please help me

Im in  very similar position.

51yrs old and now living alone after recent separation....having quite a few down days which is understandable....and even though i am Autistic and have never really been able to maintain friendships....It would be nice.,.or at least in my mind...to be able to do so,but alas!

Now ive got to get use to no clock watching as my days can often seem like weeks...

I like what you said about, doing the small things...I guess its all about, or in part,about routine!

I'll get there slowly(wherever there is) as i am still in the process of the breakup, which actually began in aug 2018...but it took 1.5yrs before i could actually move..so its all very real at the moment..and my Autism diagnosis came last june 2019...so ive not had proper chance to process this is its all parallel to the break up and not being able to see my kids, due to distance and being physically ill(fibro/cfs and c5 c6 disc stenosis) im not always able..

Some days i feel like im just waiting to die...but know thats just me and my leanings towards depression.

Im still here, and am oddly enough , stronger or rather more resilient than i give myself credit for..So its a battle of the mind at the moment...licking my wounds and then very briefly ,feeling like  a champion...but very seldom!

I may try a coffee shop maybe...but not crochet...lol  (joke) it actually looks quite therapeutic! who knows..lol  

I am in the same position, anxious about volunteering after a breakdown.  However I give myself small goals each day, write them down like washing up, hoovering etc. In spring, I plant a few seeds and crochet or Knit listening to music.  I have improved over time but winter months are not good for me as I'm sure I suffer from seasonal adjustment disorder.  I don't live with anyone, so life can be lonely for a fifty plus year old, although I do toddle along to the nearest coffee shop on Friday to relax with my crochet and enjoy a cappuccino.  Don't set yourself big unachievable goals but small ones.

Take care, Debs

I know it's tough, but you still have time to achieve those things. In terms of your horticulture career, perhaps you could work part-time to start with (maybe somewhere like a garden centre), then you could build up to doing more work/a different route when you're feeling able to? I spotted on your other comment that you've been struggling lately, so maybe just a few hours/couple of days a week would be a good way to get started.

There are social groups you can join, which might help you to build a social life and meet people. I know of a group called Spice that arranges all kinds of outings (everything from evening classes, to day trips, to walks, to holidays), and once you're a member, you just sign-up to whatever activities interest you. It might be worth a look.

I used to have a volunteer gardening job but circumstances have been so stressful that I haven't been able to do it for a year. The way things are right now, it could be months before I start volunteering again. All I have is my Mum.

Do you have any hobbies? Why not start one? I've just joined the Couch to 5K. Its a good way to meet people and its dark and you're running so its not too daunting. All of your goals are definitely achievable, don't lose hope.

You could also look at volunteering? What interests do you have? Maybe look down that route.

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Financial and practical independence, a nice girl and a career in horticulture. Plus a good social life and just happiness.

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down.

What dreams are you hoping to achieve?