Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm getting so tired of life and living in general. I feel that I've accomplished nothing and that my only purpose has been to see terrible things happen to the people I love the most.
You know in the last five years I can't recall a single happy memory. There's only been sadness horror and death. Nothing good. Nothing to look forward to or look back on smiling.
I used to be hopeful that things would improve, get better but I was wrong. They got worse and now I've lost everyone and everything.
I'm just tired and empty now and I feel like my life is a train coming to the end of the track. I'm suffering from severe anxiety. I'm in pain every day. I'm sad and I'm utterly worthless.
Sorry for this rant. I have no right bringing my worthlessness here but I've got no one else to talk to.
Yours sincerely,
Claire.
Claire, Sorry to hear about your GP’s dismissive attitude.
Are there any autistic meet up groups in your area? Most autistic people find it much easier to talk to other autistic people, so joining one of these groups may be a good way to start to meet others who can understand difficulties in socialising. If you type in ‘autism’ on your county council’s web site, you should be able to find out if there are any groups near you. You can keep talking on here too.
You may also like to read some of the articles on the Spectrum Women web site: https://www.spectrumwomen.com/ Graham.
Hello mouse2, I’m sorry to hear about your problems.
A 5 year wait for a diagnosis is ridiculous. It might be a good idea to contact a local autism group and check if that is true, and if there are any other routes to a diagnosis. I was diagnosed at 61, it’s never too late. Many people are diagnosed later in life.
With regards to your relationship, you may find it useful to look around the following sites: http://womanstrust.org.uk/ https://www.idas.org.uk/ Graham
I could have wrote your original post as that's where I am right now. I've only just found out I'm more than likely on the spectrum and I'm almost 40! It might explain the trauma I've been through and not known what to do. I think I have EDS as my son does and at an appointment for my son the physio said it looked like I had the same! I cant get formal diagnosis as apparently the waiting list for adults is over 5 years so their not taking any more referrals. I'm not working at the moment as I'm finding it hard I was bullied in my last workplace.
I'm in an abusive relationship and dont know how to get out of it as I have no one else. No mum no dad no obscure aunt or uncle. No one. Struggling to understand the world I would ask my husband to decifer peoples actions to me. I'd be completely alone. His parents also abusive shout at me things like mental health and I've had years of abuse from them....they live across the street.
I do have a gp appt today as tbh I dont know where else to turn. I wrote a letter to one gp I thought may help. I'm scared but I know I need help. For years they all (husband and inlaws)made out I was the one with issues. Turns out I'm asd and they preyed on that. Their not liked in our street for stuff theyve done not me.
Their neighbour is their best friend, last time my husband left the neighbour followed me shouting names at me. Followed me in secluded areas if I was out walking, stood looking into my house. So much....I eventually called police just for advice and they sent someone round! I found out he has been accused of rape I'm the past! So I'm stuck, I'm scared, I'm dealing with a child with asd and i possibly have asd. No support what so ever
Hello Graham,
No haven't seen gp yet. Mine isn't very nice to me, always having a go at be and telling me to grow up it could be worse.
Ive got nobody to talk to. Lonely.
Hello Claire, I’m so sorry to hear that you have been going through such a bleak chapter of your life.
Emotional exhaustion exacts a heavy toll and can leave you feeling bereft of hope with numbed senses.
Have you spoken to your GP about how you’re feeling? In many areas there is a psychological therapy service. This is the site for my area: https://www.italk.org.uk/ Usually you can self refer.
Don’t worry about bringing your feelings to the forum. Many of us have experience of life’s darker moments. Just keep talking and take care of yourself. Graham.