Reasons you DON'T want to die, whether deliberately or not...

There are a few reasons I wouldn't want to die. First, I specifically wouldn't want to die at someone else's hands because the idea brings me a strong feeling of disgust and embarassment. I've saw a lot of videos of people being murdered (i.e. by the cartels and ISIS), and it's always bugged me to think that I could be killed by a common thug one day.

In general, I wouldn't want to die because I know that I'd lose consciousness forever, which would mean every thought I've ever had and everything I've ever done to get to those conclusions would now be completely useless. I worry that when I'm gone, the only humans left will be stupid-but-brave, and smart-but-docile, and eventually my species will go extinct (which is definitely worse than death).

I also dread the thought of some stranger handling my body and potentially measuring my penis, and all the weird things people do with dead bodies like cremation (which is stupid because I think that kills off most if not all of my DNA, and all the other parts inside me which are still alive).

I could die a lot more comfortably knowing that I'm going to be eaten by wild animals, or buried whole in the ground, because that way it's not the end of my journey, only the end of whatever is bothering me about this body/life.

it's quite all right. Those who really know how low it feels to be at rock bottom have something valuable to say to others in that state.  I bet you would never tell someone to buck up, pull themselves together or grin and bear it if they felt suicidal.

I work with the law and studied it throughout university and actually your letter wouldn't make a difference. In any death, even with a thoughtful written letter from the deceased, everyone is a suspect and will be investigated as to be proven guilty.

I'm sure your support worker is wonderful but no matter what she would still have to stand in court and answer questions and I don't need to tell you that it is not a pleasant experience.

Hang in there sweetie. Things will get better xx

Despite the Aspergers Syndrome, anxiety and OCD I actually enjoy my life. I'm in my 20s and feel that I enjoy and treasure every second of this beautiful gift of life we have.

I like the little things in life.

I like hearing birds chirping to one another.

I like seeing the leaves and flowers growing at the start of spring.

I like seeing children play in the park, completely innocent and having the fun that we all enjoyed at that age.

I like listening to records and music, still find it amazing that music can actually make me feel raw emotions depending on what I listen to. My mum was a big fan of Elvis so it was natural I'd get a lot of Elvis records for my birthday.

I like being there for my parents and family, making them happy and being there for them when I can.

Sure I can get down sometimes but I always find a reason, every day to be happy and love myself. Today I saw a beautiful Robin and that really made me smile.

Hi. I'm glad you're getting support and I hope the answers in this thread are helpful.

Here are just some of my reasons for living:

1. My family and friends. I want to be there to support them, care for them, and make lots of happy memories with them. 

2. Life has a lot to offer, e.g. being out in nature, travelling, having new experiences, eating great food, watching snow fall, spending time with the people I love, spending time with animals (very therapeutic), reading, writing, singing, making and listening to music. The list goes on.

3. No matter what I'm going through, I know it will pass. 

4. Living through a tough experience not only makes you stronger, it also makes you better equipped to support and empathise with others. I think people who have hit rock bottom understand how it feels to be there and will do what they can to help others in that position. We also make great listeners.

5. You are special. No matter who you are or what your past is, you're unique, you're important, and I truly believe you're in this world for a reason. Even if I sometimes question what I contribute to the world, I know that even the littlest things I do (like giving someone a kind word, or helping a frog cross the road - which I genuinely did!) can make a positive impact.

you can't guarantee that

No they wouldn't, I have thought about these things. I have written a really good letter explaining about the support I have had from my health team and that it in no way reflects their lack of support, expertise or otherwise. Sometimes, there really is nothing anyone can do despite expertise from trained professionals in helping people with these difficulties, if that was the case, no one would voluntarily end their life.

because if i did it would hurt the people who loved me.

also if you did your worker would have to go to court and they would ask them what they were doing to prevent this from happening, it could hurt them so much that they may even give up their career which may result in one less person helping people like us. . .

My pervious reply was rather depressing I see. 

This post caught my eye in a bad moment. 

Other reasons i have to live are dinosaurs\ Birds. Especially Jays as they’re my fave  and I look out for them everyday and the days I don’t see them make the days I do see them even better. 

I’m also not totally selfish as I seem, I have many time stopped from myself doing anything when the thought of people I leave behind flash through my mind And I hate to think of them having the horror of finding me that way. 

I’m sorry that things are so bad for you. Please try to find a reason to live! You are valuable as a person and you deserve to live! 

So, when I am really low I convince myself that there are no reasons for living. No one will miss me, I'm a pain in the butt for the few that know me. 

At those times it's literally about getting to the next day. So my hard times list is:

• I can pick up an instrument and play a tune. The wonder of physics makes the resonating string make a sound wave and the wonder of biology makes me hear it. 
• I can eat weetabix in the morning with hot milk. 
• I can feel my heart beat and it's been beating my whole life since I was an embryo, without stopping.
• I can get up and watch the sun rise. Then think about why I can see it rise and why I'm seeing colours and why the world is spinning round on its axis and orbiting the sun and at that moment I am observing it. 

When I'm really on the edge, apart from the weetabix I literally have to appreciate life based on physics and biology when I can start to wonder about it and eventually the next day comes. 

1) been a while, building, it's torturous to feel this way and yet be trapped in a having to get it right for the reasons flint said. There is a dark autistic ironicy in that.

2) No I'm afraid there won't be.

3) The very first time I saw the psychiatrist they said, "If I could, I would prescribe a dog to everyone who came to see me". I like dogs, have always wanted one but because of OCD traits I could not cope with all the horrible stuff like ticks and fleas and worms and all the dirt then it's toys all over the house after being in its mouth and the ultimate horror of them licking thier bottoms then you. I am sure I would totally stress it out with my behaviour around that. And a lot of dogs I see look up to thier owners every few seconds for what I'm not sure but I think I'd struggle with that going on all the time. Maybe another dark autistic ironicy. It's a bit sad because I do like them.

 I'll never get what I need, isn't that what's at the core of it all....

Yes, that is a problem and needs a lot of research and planning to get it right.

Curry, thumbs up for that :-)

There are many positive things about life, but I know first hand that "count your blessings" is rarely helpful advice. At the moment I'm often finding myself saying "I'm happy, or at least content, but I rarely *feel* happy". Anyway, I'll list the positives that come to my mind:

• The love I share with my wife.
• Blackbirds singing after rain.
• Petrichor
• Coffee
• Chocolate
• Sunsets
• Sunrises
• Waking up excited about your hobby
• Curry
• Wagamammas
• Music
• Learning stuff
• Going to be tired & sleeping well
• Cycling gently on a balmy summer evening
• Running

1) The feeling will pass

I think, like Kitsune says, the feeling will pass. I've gone through periods of feeling suicidal, including planning how, when and where to the point I ensured that my fiancé wouldn't be the one who found me, but it passed. You just have to keep going one more day, and one more day after that etc., until you start feeling a little better again.

2) You will devastate at least some of those left behind

I have a brother, whom I know would never understand and never forgive me, and parents who would be left with sadness and guilt in their old age, which they don't deserve. My nieces would be too young to remember me, and my fiancé is amazing and would easily find someone else so I wasn't worried about them. I don't have any pets but, if I did, I think that might keep me going too.

3) The world needs you to live

My ongoing suicide prevention strategy is to keep creating purpose in my life, no matter how small. I joined a local litter-picking group and also started a campaign for tree-planting. The other thing is to keep finding people (or animals) who need you. The combination of the two is quite a powerful motivator to live and helps me keep things in perspective a bit to prevent me spiralling down the suicide avenue.

4) You're not alone in feeling this

It is really common for autistic people to feel suicidal, and just acknowledging that might make you feel less alone with it all too. There are lots of us out here who do completely understand what you're feeling and going through.

Hope some of that helps a little?

My reasons for living:

My 3 daughters, they need me because I’m their mummy, even my eldest who has my first grandchild on it’s way (Eek!)

My husband, we drive each other round the bend most of the time but he’d be lost without me

My friends, Autistic people can and do have friends, I have a number of friends who mean a lot to me and who I support in various ways, 1 or 2 of whom I think are a bit short on the friends front and I wouldn’t want to think of them being lonely

My group for Autistic women that I run locally, I think it’s fair to say that both the monthly meetings and the online group provide a source of support for members, I wouldn’t like to think of them going without that support 

The Beaver Scout Group that I run, where would they be without Fox to prepare activities for them to enjoy and to get them all out at dodgeball very quickly 

I could think of more but ultimately, I enjoy life and I’ve always had the mind set that no matter how bad things get (and believe me there have been times when things have been very bad) they will always get better, and they always have done! 

Sorry if I’m coming across as overly positive BUT in a round about way I’m trying to point out that there is always a reason to live! I am Autistic, I also have an acquired brain injury too after nearly getting killed by a recycling truck 12 1/2 years ago, I ended up in a psych hospital for a bit after that as my depression got so bad and at that time I couldn’t think of a reason to live. But my life got better, so will yours! 
What do you need to give you a reason to live?

Same here.  I wanted to find something painless.   I cared about success rate, not who I left behind (not many people and no kids). But you know what happened? When I tried to carry out the final act, my own body, my vitality, my life force took over and fought back. I discovered I was too healthy to snuff out. Even when I was unconscious... my own body saved itself.   My heart pumped hard and adrenaline was flowing. That was the message I guess. 

I have no reason to not die if I dont do it deliberately as I will die when I die. 

But the only reason I haven’t done it deliberately is because of the statistics of successful suicides in the only ways I have the opportunity to do it with are not good either in terms of achieving anything other than ending up being locked up on a ward or ending up not dying but with a life of even more misery and disability from something like brain damage.