I’ve written about this before, very recently in fact. However, I have since gained more understanding.
After a week, of going to an even greater level of relaxation, my mind has been opened to a much greater level and it’s clear for me to see now, what goes on for me when it comes to the end of the day or night.
Because I have no real awareness of time. I have realised that, when it comes to going to bed, I don’t want to go because I don’t know, that I will wake up to another new day. It’s like, I don’t want ‘now’ to end and this change between day and night disturbs me because it’s like the end of the world.
I’ve noticed that if I tell myself I have things to do the next day. This can help on one hand, but just the thought of ‘having something to do’ brings with it a certain level of stress. And I’m all about getting rid of every last trace of stress that doesn’t bring me joy. Thinking I have something to do the next day, doesn’t bring me joy. Even if it’s something good, it somehow brings a level of strain or stress, that I don’t want. So this is not a good strategy.
So the more relaxed I am, the more reluctant I am to go to bed because it’s like I’m in my natural state of being in the moment and so the change between day and night, is like a death. And it’s not even that I want to avoid death ~ as I don’t actually believe in it ~ but it’s that I don’t want this moment to end. I just love it so much.
This seems to be my last ‘stumbling block’.
I seem to have sorted the rest ~ I simply keep away from people as much as I can, I base my working life around my needs, my natural rhythms, I don’t try for a second to think I have to live my life like anybody else and I have a complete stance of absolute refusal to all that does not serve me. This is my constitutional human right. Everything is falling so softly, gently and beautifully into place, just like the beautiful snow, that I’m sat watching now, as it falls from the sky.
But it’s this night time thing. But the solution came to me. Which is pretty obvious now I see it. But it was shrouded from me. Maybe because I didn’t need to know until now? Or maybe it’s just because I’m autistic, lol. Either explanation serves me well.
I realised, that as with my eating, once I get back into daily exercise, my eating and sleeping patterns will naturally follow, without any effort from me.
For example, I exercise in a morning, on an empty stomach, and when I’ve finished, after I’ve had a shower etc, I just seem to naturally go to fuel my body. I usually have something else round about lunch time, a huge salad, and I’m usually done then for the day. And because my body is naturally tired, from all the exercise and physical activity, I fall to sleep naturally also, when early evening comes.
Sleep comes to us all eventually. Even the mountaineer who knows, that if he falls to sleep, he’s going to die. But even he can’t keep sleep from resting upon him. So I know, that when I do enough physical activity, with enough fresh air, coupled with enough meditation and relaxation and time taken to smell the roses, my eating and sleeping falls naturally into place.
I had literally forgotten all this. I have been trying to work out ways, for over a year, of how I get my eating and sleeping back into a routine. The support workers have been helping me and finally, I’ve got it sussed I went a funny way around things, but then I see the world in rather a funny way, compared to most people.
It’s like a weird kind of miracle has been taking place since I got my diagnosis. It’s like I wanted it for so long, and now I have it, it’s like it’s disappearing, dissolving, before my very eyes.
Of course the autism isn’t disappearing, but now I understand it better, it’s no longer a problem. And not only that, it’s become an absolute blessing.
For example. I realised the reason I don’t get on so well when I’m around other people, is simply because I’m autistic, and no matter what I do, that’s never going to change.
The answer therefore, is simple. Stay away from people. Now after two years of this, I have become so relaxed, that I can now see, that not only is this a blessing to me, but a real gift also. It’s the actual key to success in my line of business as a writer and metaphysician. Bearing these professions in mind, it’s essential that I spend time by myself, so what a gift, to me, is autism?
And now I’ve solved another riddle ~ the one of the change between night and day ~ I feel even more delighted.
I think that’s enough delightful things for today. But I wonder what wonders tomorrow will bring?
Seek and you WILL find. I’m seeking all that’s good and joyful and wonderful. What are you seeking?
Your post is really very helpful for me. I love your ideas
I’m glad it’s of help. That’s one of the main reasons I share. When I overcome something, even though I learn in a weird way, see the world differently to most people and often say things in a weird way, I am still an ordinary person, like everybody else, and if my experiences can help somebody else, that pleases me because I learn from others, so it’s good to give back and that way, we can all get happy by learning from each other
By the way. I joined a little local church, and a couple of others in the area. None of them teach the word of Jesus but I somehow thought they had to be helpful to me. They’re my fathers house, after-all, even if they’re working from the old tyrannical way, and ignoring completely, the word of Jesus.
Anyway, one of the things I wanted, in fact, one of the first things I wanted, was an allotment. I know because of how I live my life (I’m a traveller), that I couldn’t do this alone. I needed others to help me while I was here and while I’m away.
So, I put this to the church people. The church man has been wittering on for a few weeks now. Saying he’s got some exciting news in the pipeline, which is going to make me really happy ~ my response ~ nothing can make me happy, I’m already happy (ungrateful ***!), but honestly, he’s been like an excited two year old with it.
But this week was the big unveiling. Not only have they got me an allotment, but it’s just down the road from me. I didn’t even know it existed! I can’t believe it. They’ve also put me in charge. It’s for me. I’m gonna get all the help I’ll need. We can start straight away. And the Church woman, became my (voluntary/involuntary) secretary. So although I’m in charge, I don’t have to answer any phone calls or emails, or signing papers etc, the church woman will do all that.
So, dreams do come true, and sometimes quickly. I also spotted a little room in the church. It’s like a little living room. It’s gorgeous and perfect, for me to work out of and they’ve said I can rent it out, to work out of and I can rent the hall, for running workshops.
So I didn’t waste time. I told her (the council woman) my plans for my autism group. I got them all excited about that. So that’l be my next piece of good news from them Sometimes we just need to sow the seed of an idea, sit back and watch it blossom.