Hello I need help and advice.
I have an extremely vivid imagination, which has some positives, especially when it comes to my writing and art. However I feel like my imagination is doing more harm than good for me.
I imagine such awful and very scary worst case scenarios in my head and convince myself they are going to happen to me. It makes me distressed and very anxious and I worry myself so much I make myself physically ill. I constantly live in fear of something truly horrible happening to me. My parents are concerned about me and my constant obsessing and worrying is destroying my relationship with my boyfriend (we've been together nearly 2 years).
So far I have imagined that I will die from a deadly disease soon, I will get cancer and not know about it and then I will die a horrible death, that someone will murder me in the street, I will get kidnapped, I will get locked in someone's basement forever, I will get accused of a crime I haven't done and will have my name and photo blasted all over the media, I will go to prison, I will get burned alive, someone will throw acid at me in the street, I will be a victim of a horrific assault or accident and will be disfigured, I will get raped and contract HIV or herpes, I will live in poverty after Brexit.....all these crazy things. Neurotypical people have constantly told me these worries are absurd but I somehow have come to a conclusion as to why each of those things will happen to me in the future. I spend all day and night worrying and thinking about them - I don't sleep, I have bad eating patterns, my house is a mess, I don't look after myself and I never get anything done due to my constant obsessing and panicking and overthinking these horrific scenarios.
I am seeing a counsellor again next week for the first time in years. I just want these thoughts to end I am so so sick of feeling like this.
My mind is quite similar. I often worry I've got or will get a serious illness or get into trouble for a crime I didn't commit. I got a speeding ticket recently and went into mass panic that I would get 3 more and lose my license. I barely slept for a week worrying. I'm well aware the worries are irrational but it doesn't stop them. I do find if I keep my brain occupied I don't get the worries anywhere near as much unless a specific thing has happened. Completely sympathise. Its a horrible way to feel. It's night time that is difficult for me. Seeing a counsellor is a good step I think.