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Aspergers - Extreme Social Anxiety

NAS39237
over 5 years ago

Hi,

I've noticed over the last year my social ability has been in serious decline - It's never been exactly natural to me but I used to be able to manage better. I'm finding social interaction of any kind really tricky these days, even with people I am familiar with. I just seem to be very edgy around people, I've always struggled with eye contact and I just feel overly concious. I hear all these things about people with Aspergers being sort of oblivious to social surrounds and admittedly I can often miss the context of interaction but when it comes to myself I am immensely aware of myself and my projection of myself.

I have a sort of perfectionist nature, which is not as arrogant as it sounds, if anything I usually just get frustrated for not living up to my expectations. I think part of the reason I may be so uptight is because I don't want to let loose any hint of a flaw. -I don't want other people to take advantage of or look down upon me for. Any slight crack in this perfect persona and I am a wreck and I tumble quickly.

I just feel surprised as I often hear people on the spectrum are quite the opposite and simply don't care on things like this, where for me it is immensely intimidating and debilitating. I have a yearning to get on with people yet I feel my 'self' is very fragile and being open is very hard for me.

I find forgiveness hard. If someone wrongs me I feel once I have been pushed over a certain boundary I will never be able to be open with them again - This has happened many times within a working environment to where being around that person becomes hostile and unpleasant.

I'm not sure what the objective of this topic is, I guess i just wanted to see if other people on the spectrum are overly emotional as well, as a lot of what I read up seems to project a non-effective manner in general apart from certain triggers, where i feel the slightest thing can rock me emotionally.

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    I don't think I feel it as extreme as you but I can certainly relate to some of what you have said.

    I have always found social interaction difficult but the anxiety has definitely increased in recent years. I've always been anxious about big social events but now even going to someone's house makes me very anxious. Sometimes I can relax and settle when I get there but other times I remain anxious. I think it depends how it works out when I get there. I'm very self conscious too and I'm aware that I don't really fit in.

    My assessor also picked up on my tendencies to be a perfectionist. Not in the practical sense so much as I can't tidy up to save my life. But in myself I hate to get things wrong and I get very embarrassed when I do. For example when I take something literally and that's not how they meant it. I just want to melt into the floor.

    I struggle with trust too. So if something happens with someone I did trust then I do find it hard to forgive them and it does take a long time to move on from it. I also find it extremely hard to apologise for something I've done. I don't know why as I always feel sorry and want to be able to sort it out but I just find that an incredibly hard thing to do.

    I don't consider myself a particularly emotional personal although I have always been a sensitive one. Anger has always been my default emotion/reaction to most things. In the last couple of years I have definitely become more emotional. I still feel angry first but then I just start to get upset. I hate crying infront of people so I'm finding this quite difficult. Even when I think I've calmed down, when I try to talk about it again I will feel emotional all over again. I don't know why this has changed.

    I don't know whether any of that is any help to you.

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    I don't think I feel it as extreme as you but I can certainly relate to some of what you have said.

    I have always found social interaction difficult but the anxiety has definitely increased in recent years. I've always been anxious about big social events but now even going to someone's house makes me very anxious. Sometimes I can relax and settle when I get there but other times I remain anxious. I think it depends how it works out when I get there. I'm very self conscious too and I'm aware that I don't really fit in.

    My assessor also picked up on my tendencies to be a perfectionist. Not in the practical sense so much as I can't tidy up to save my life. But in myself I hate to get things wrong and I get very embarrassed when I do. For example when I take something literally and that's not how they meant it. I just want to melt into the floor.

    I struggle with trust too. So if something happens with someone I did trust then I do find it hard to forgive them and it does take a long time to move on from it. I also find it extremely hard to apologise for something I've done. I don't know why as I always feel sorry and want to be able to sort it out but I just find that an incredibly hard thing to do.

    I don't consider myself a particularly emotional personal although I have always been a sensitive one. Anger has always been my default emotion/reaction to most things. In the last couple of years I have definitely become more emotional. I still feel angry first but then I just start to get upset. I hate crying infront of people so I'm finding this quite difficult. Even when I think I've calmed down, when I try to talk about it again I will feel emotional all over again. I don't know why this has changed.

    I don't know whether any of that is any help to you.

Children
  • over 5 years ago in reply to Deleted user

    Are you really me? lol 

    I could jut copy and paste everything @Binary has just said, you’re like my doppelgänger, the only difference in being that I know why I’m worts at the moment, I’m in the midst of a severe autistic burnout, which has been brought by all the event in my last two years and the fact I’ve only recently been diagnosed. 

    I cant give you constructive advice or say it’s gonna get better because I don’t believe it will for myself, but I have found refuge in knowing I’m not alone and hope you might too.