Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I’m a 20 year old with Aspergers and am currently at university, however at the moment I am feeling incredibly down and depressed. This is because all through my life I have struggled a lot with making friends and the friends I did have either just walk away from me or don’t get me. This year at Uni, I found myself three guy friends (I met up with them yesterday) who I think are genuine, however because I have lost so many friends I am worried that I have lost them to due to some of what happened yesterday.
One of my friends hasn’t replied to my text which was about whether he knows any good resources on bees as he’s a beekeeper, and when someone doesn’t reply to my text it makes me think that they are cross with me or no longer consider me a friend of theirs anymore.
I put on this group chat we have a text saying that as I will be graduating at the end of next year, I was wondering whether it would be alright if we did something together as a group to celebrate it such as going to a botanic garden either in the UK or abroad. I had a reply from one friend saying see how it goes and the other two didn’t reply. I am worried that they will think I’m weird because of how I put that up there even though it is just an idea. I did say on the text that I’m aware it’s a way away yet, but I was trying to take their side into account as they are all in jobs.
These are the same three friends who midway through my uni year each said a compliment to me out of nowhere. The compliments were pleasure to know you, the fact you do what you do with AS everyday means to us three that your an exceptional individual, and as far as we are concerned having you in our group and as a friend makes being at uni a lot better.
I am struggling to know whether they are true friends or have I lost all of them as friends because of what happened yesterday. I can overthink things but am worried about this and am feeling down inside and depressed and am starting to give up on my friendships with them because I’m not sure that they consider me a friend. Also does it mean where the friend of mine said that having you in our group and as a friend makes being at uni a lot better, does it mean I’m not a friend of theirs out of uni? Any help would be appreciated as I’m getting very worried about these friendships and need to try and put my mind at ease.
Yes, I see what you mean, it’s just as said before, because I haven’t had genuine friends before I just worry more when I think that I have done something wrong and that may cost me the friendship even though it probably hasn’t. It’s what my previous experiences with friendships have done to me in some ways. I don’t want to give up with making friends or on friendships but sometimes I do feel like it.
It seems to me that you might be overthinking this. I am pretty sure they didn't mean you are not their friend out of uni. Be careful of taking words too literally. Also, be careful about worrying too much about whether they are your friends because you may then come across as too intense for them. That has happened to me countless times. After all, do you think any of them are worrying this much about what you think of them?
I think you need to relax about this and don't put so much effort into it, to allow the friendships to develop naturally. If they're your friends, great. If they're not, then you really won't have lost anything because people don't just get rid of real friends that easily. If they don't want to go with you to a botanical garden, maybe it's just not their thing, or maybe they can't afford to take time off work. Don't take it too personally if they say no. You could suggest a day trip or a private gathering during the weekend instead, so that they wouldn't have to take time off from work.