If I could spend the rest of my life in bed and simply just give up, I would... We are all dying, much like our own star. Getting brighter and brighter until it gets too much and collapses into small glowing object, a fraction of what it once was. Consciousness is the same. I love my lucid dreams, where I'm truely free from myself and the burden of existential burn out.
I've accepted this fate that immortality is not for us. So when do I get to leave to never have the need to feel better?
So sorry you sound so very low tonight. Please consider phoning the Samaritans - they give confidential, non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or you can contact them by email on email@example.com.
Sending you good wishes.
Do you have a cycle of lows then? It sounds like there is a 'me' that you do value and see as positive, but something is keeping you from that, maybe a depressed state? I don't know anything about your life - do you work during the week, and then weekends are lonely? Or stressed? Or stuck?
I can relate to not wanting to care. I remember being told at university that 'you can't opt out of life', but I felt very alienated, not just from people, but from social convention and from existence. Are you looking for a rational reason to care? It is possible to over-intellectualise, which I find very hard to stop.
Everyone's mortal, of course. I do suspect neurotypicals generally find it easier to live in the moment that many aspies, but BlueRay here also seems very good at finding joy in the present, which perhaps is the best response to mortality. You can also be oppressed by the 'need to be feel better', when that seems beyond your personal capacity without help. That's more to do with depression than the autism spectrum/constellation, probably. The need to feel better is maybe what's called the 'hedonic treadmill', and if you like to look at things with logical perspective, you can think about getting off. Maybe you can't get off, just slow down and enjoy the view, even to the point of accepting some of the things you've been evaluating as negative.
Self-care is mostly a habit, that can be changed gradually over time. I don't clean my teeth regularly, but luckily I have good teeth and no bad breath. But depression has taught me a few things I need to do: sleep, eat reasonably regularly, take an appropriate amount of exercise, explore. When you're capable of conscious effort, I'd say seize the opportunity to try something different and maybe better.
I hope some of that makes sense.