If I could spend the rest of my life in bed and simply just give up, I would... We are all dying, much like our own star. Getting brighter and brighter until it gets too much and collapses into small glowing object, a fraction of what it once was. Consciousness is the same. I love my lucid dreams, where I'm truely free from myself and the burden of existential burn out.
I've accepted this fate that immortality is not for us. So when do I get to leave to never have the need to feel better?
So sorry you sound so very low tonight. Please consider phoning the Samaritans - they give confidential, non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or you can contact them by email on firstname.lastname@example.org.
Sending you good wishes.
My apologies, always get very low during the weekends. I look forward to the day when I get to be me again. But alas, no cure so...