so i struggle with self doubts and stress and etc. and i was wondering what any of you do to get over it because i'm looking for motivation so i can try to make friends or get a date.....but i'm just looking for inspiration.
Ok, so tell me, why should I choose you as a friend? What makes you a good friend? And what would our friendship look like? Would we hang out every day or just a couple of times a day. What sort of things would we do? What sort of things do you enjoy to do? Where would you go on a date?
Try to imagine that you haven’t got self doubts. Just for a moment, try to imagine that you really do have a genie in a bottle. What type of friend or date would you like? Instead of stating that you have self doubts, and that you experience at times what you call stress, tell me about you. Without the labels. Tell me about Blue.
When you turn your attention towards what you do want, and away from all the things that make you feel bad, you will begin to see what it is you do want and then you are on the path of creating it. If you need help, it will be there. Take your time. These things will come to you. You might find, like me, that you don’t really want friends. Not in the way that nt people have friends. There are mamy ways to enjoy friendships and connections and to share our interests. But first, we need to know who we are. We need to date ourselves and take our time.
Nothing whatsoever motivates me to want to make friends or get dates. I'm more motivated to want to do something with my life that makes a difference to other people. Autism translates roughly as 'self-absorption', so it seems almost contradictory to want to help others. But it isn't. For me, looking outside of myself is the best way forwards.
'Looking for inspiration'. I doubt you'll find it through self-examination or rumination, but I find reading a good book can distract from those self-doubts. Ask people you know for help with the causes of the stress. Have patience making friends, but the resolution that helped me was to take every opportunity. Check out local events, Meetup.com for things you're interested in or might become interested in. Maybe some volunteering or GoodGym, just to prove to yourself that you can do it and give you something to talk about. Sometimes motivation comes after the event - 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.
I have a friend, and a date.... It's a red lion.
This is a left-field suggestion and I could be biased but could you be bipolar as well as or instead of being autistic?
i can really struggle with motivation for years at a time but have short periods of weeks when motivation is not a problem - if anything I become too motivated.
i finally convinced a doctor to refer me for an assessment three weeks ago.
i am currently in what they call a manic phase and have no self-doubts or stress (or if I do have them I can quickly regain my balance)
as far as stress is concerned I can recommend tai chi but any exercise will really help - it's just a case of finding something you enjoy
haven't made any dates yet but that is partly because it would not be fair to get a date when I am manic if they have not also known me while I have been in a depressive phase. I would also like to find someone who has at least one interest in common. (Yes, the point of a first date is to see if you have anything in common but I just feel that someone is more likely to accept my autism let alone my bipolar if they have an interest in common.) finally it is hard when I am in a manic phase but it would not be the end of the world if I end up spending all of my life alone.
You’re never alone Taltunes, despite appearances to the contrary sometimes.
I have worked with people with bipolar when I was a mental health practitioner. There are similarities between that and autism. It’s worth finding out, as you suggested, because when we know what we’re dealimg with, we can do something about it.
I always think of the light house. It doesn’t flash on all the time, it goes off and on. I see myself like that. Sometimes I have these brighter moments and other times they’re not so bright. But both are equally valid, as one gives me the rest I need and the other, the inspiration and motivation. It’s the same as neurotypicals, I just follow a different pattern. People often think there is just one sleep pattern but there are actually several. It’s just that the others are less common so they’re thought of as odd or something. But they’re not, they’re simply just another type of sleep pattern.
I am lucky and I have one very good friend who understands me or when she does not understand me is willing to listen and try to understand. I meant alone more in the sense of a physical relationship.
I know what you mean, but it is the very thing that keeps a physical relationship from you. If you think you’re alone, you will be. And it’s not a matter of just thinking thoughts of, something like, I’m not alone or I am surrounded by loving people. It’s about know the truth. The truth is, you are never alone, not in any sense of the word and when you ‘know’ that, you will have as many people around you as you want. The truth will set you free. And once you know the truth, there’s no harm in using affirmations or afformations, as created by Noah St John. But you must first know the truth. Otherwise it’s like putting new software on a computer that already has a bug. It’s not going to work. We have to ‘know’, not merely understand, the truth, and then we can use affirmations to create whatever we want in life.
You remind me of an organisation I was involved with once. They got me to stop drinking so I should be grateful but on balance I think they should be banned. (I am not going to give them any publicity on here.)
if you will excuse the pun I know what you mean though. I know I am bipolar and in many ways getting a diagnosis will make no difference to my life but it might help in small ways e.g. Getting a free bus pass. I could possibly get one just for my autism but if I don't get round to it before I am diagnosed as bipolar then the diagnosis should make it a lot easier.
And I know what you mean, lol, with the stopping drinking thing. Yes, a diagnosis has different benefits for all of us and it is not necessary for all of us, which is ok, we just make of it what we will.