Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey,
im a 16 year old female, and I has aspergers. I feel like I miss out on a lot of the normal things teens can do like going to house parties, meeting friends, ect. I can’t do any of that, and if I do want to I need to plan it weeks in advance. It really gets me down.
i had a bad meltdown today, but I can’t really remember what I said or did but my mum isn’t talking to me and I’m not talking to her because of that. Does anyone have any advice for coping after meltdowns? I usually just hide and pretend it didn’t happen( not great I know). I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, I’m so confused with coming to terms with my diagnosis. I have hardly any support, and hardly any friends, and they don’t know. I do hide it quite well but the exhaustion kicks in after school.
I just needed somewhere to express this and I feel safe here, like I won’t be judged. X
I too have Asperger's and, being quite a bit older than you, have had many many meltdowns over the years and felt so ashamed of myself afterwards (I still do when I think back on many of them!). It's difficult to apologise after a meltdown because on the one hand I might feel quite justified about whatever it was I was angry about, but on the other hand I can see that my meltdown behaviour was ... well, not exactly helpful to the situation!
As a Mum myself now I've coped with quite a few fights with my daughters when they were your age. Your Mum will be trying to understand, I'd bet she's probably reading up on just about everything she can find about Asperger's / teenagers? Talk to her. That's all. It won't always solve every problem but it will make you feel better about them, honestly!
Even if you don't know what to say, it's fine to say that - "Mum, I don't know what to say but I'm feeling rubbish and I need to talk. I just don't know where to start or what to say."
As for the meltdowns themselves, I tried lots of things over the years and some helped - others not so much. Counting to 10 and breathing slowly didn't help me much. Getting out of the house for a walk and a bit of space from the situation helps sometimes. Going to sleep helps too but sometimes I felt too jumpy to sleep. Sometimes just having a damned good scream helps, if you can find somewhere to do that, as I found it releases some of the tension. Doing something really physical can help too, I've tried kneading bread / hammering nails / punching pillows, anything just to work out the tension I felt inside.
It's worth thinking about that some of the frustration you'll be feeling and some of the meltdowns ARE part of the "normal things" that every teenager feels and does. Obviously having Asperger's makes that harder to deal with and think about but frustration, anger, and fights with parents ARE 'normal' too! Every teenager is getting to know themselves and comparing themselves, often unfavourably, with others it's just that you're also having to get to know your Asperger's at the same time and that WILL be difficult. Ask your Mum what she was like as a teenager, maybe even compare notes? She might be able to help more than you think, and you also have everyone on here to help too!!
Keep coming back and keep talking, it really does help and although it doesn't get better or easier overnight, by learning more about yourself, it definitely does get better and easier.
For me, so far (newly diagnosed), I'm simply keeping myself away from as many situations and people as I can so as to prevent or minimise the possibility of meltdowns happening, but they still do. I allow myself to process what happened in my own time but first of all I try to calm myself down but distracting myself.
Have you googled autism groups in your area or checked through this web site if there are any in your area. I think it's important that you get some support and I sure wish I had known at your age. It's not easy but with some support, you'll work it out and have a good life.