'Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, hoping to make them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilise the target and delegitimise the target's belief.'
As Aspies, I'm sure we're particularly prone to this. I know I am. My experience, too - with a sister-in-law who's a consummate narcissist - has caused me much grief and upset over the last 30 years. These were years when I not only didn't know that I was autistic, but I also didn't really know what her motivations were. I've found out so much more about it all since my diagnosis, and through having someone else who knows her tell me that she isn't just like it with me. For most of those years, I simply thought there was something wrong with me - and she was the one who, more than most, was at pains to keep reminding me. The damage this woman has done - not just to me, but to other members of my close family - is profound. Much of it is irreparable. But at least now I no longer have any reason to have any contact with her - notwithstanding the fact that she's married to my brother. I'm well rid of her. She's controlled and manipulated our family for far too long. My brother is her puppet. And so competent a puppeteer is she that he doesn't even realise he has strings! He's well and truly Stockholmed!
For years, I've been told I'm gullible, susceptible, credulous, naive, etc. I've had my leg pulled time after time, and been the butt-end of jokes. I've been taken for a ride, scammed, made to look ridiculous. But I take people at face value. If they tell me something, I tend to believe them. Why wouldn't I? Why would they lie to me? But people have, and do. It's why I detest gossip and won't have any part of it, because all it really is is manipulation and destabilisation, perpetuated by a group. Victimising the vulnerable. And it gives people a sense of 'belonging' to be onside in the gossip. If you're not happy with the way someone's behaving or performing - tell them! But no. Gossip is easier... and it's more fun. Huh!
Anyone else got any 'gaslight' tales to share?
Why is it called gaslighting? Anyone? (Am probably dumb again.)
Named after a famous stage play from the 1930s.
There are film adaptations, too.
Thanks, you respond faster than my family to my text messages.
My sister, typically takes four hours to answer. And one of my cousins, days.
Sorry for the confusion, Robert. I came to the forum just as you posted your comment, so went straight to it.
How are you Robert123. Btw
Which Is why you should use whatsapp so you can at least see whether they have read it. Or maybe not because it can be infuriating.
Can't they 'Mark it as unread' if they choose, as on FB? I used to get paranoid on FB when I sent PMs to people and notice the 'tick' to show they'd read it - then later see it marked as 'unread'.
I was using WhatsApp a few years ago. But then deleted it because one of my narcissistic cousins who was making my life hell was a big user. And I was making a clean break with her.
The rest of my family are a bit funny when it comes to technology. Another cousin never carries his phone with him. He just checks it once a day for messages then switches it off. And hides it in his house. Once we were in a group when someone was discussing Skype, he asked me later, ' what the f**k is Skype?'
I'm like that with my phone. I rarely look at it. People at work are always saying to me 'I tried to call you' or 'Didn't you get my text?' I'm afraid I don't like smart-phones, though I understand how useful they can be for people. I mainly use mine as a camera.
I dislike the way they've taken over people's lives to the extent that people can't seem to function properly without them, even using them when driving or working. And mostly what they're checking up on is nonsense on social media.
I use my smartphone for texts, GPS mapping software, checking news, weather, live bus times, social media nonsense such as this site. A torch, emails, job searches, downloading application forms, I'm also on TripAdvisor with 168 reviews. Etc
I'm in a very bad way at the moment. Mentally very unstable.
Snap. As Dr Seuss said “unslumping yourself is never much fun”. Hows it going with UC? I know yiu were worried about having some form of sustainable income.
Good news with UC is that I've managed to get the £240 they owed me from September. And because of my mental health issues I'm going to be exempt from the 35 hour rule. Which says you have to record 35 hours of job search related activity every week, or they will sanction you and leave you penniless.
Bad news is I'm unemployable and I failed two interviews in the last two weeks.
So pleased to hear about the £240 being paid back and you now being exempt from the 35 hour rule.
I would say those two interviews probably failed you. Standard recruitment processes discriminate heavily against autistic people.