Published on 12, July, 2020
My only way to cope with my autism is to use dissociation. I only started getting this two years ago and as most of the research I did said that its over a stressful time I thought it was because of my mum getting a new job. But I have an under active thyroid and I then did more research and found out that the pills I was taking (levothyroxin) could cause dissociation. Recently over the Xmas break I have been out of routine and so have been forgetting to take my pill. Cos of this I have been having angry meltdowns increased anxiety and heavy mood swing which since taking the pill to dissociate out I haven't. I'm now back on them and have return to a more neurotypical person. With dissociation I feel like I'm in a dream and often can't remember or have no idea what people are really saying to me, to some the is a very bad mental illness but to me it makes me better and it is the only way for me to cope. What do you guys think should I get this checked out and stopped when I'm a better person with it ? Does anybody else have this I'm so confused and really need some answers? Love Lily xxxx
I find it interesting that you say "use" dissociation (an observation, not a criticism!) For me, it is something which has usually just happens without me having any sense of control over it. I agree, however, that it is a "way to cope" - but more of an automatic one which my brain uses to isolate itself from what might otherwise be overwhelming sensory or emotional experiences. I think it's very closely related to the partial shut-downs (and sometimes total shut-downs) which I experience when I'm overstimulated or exhausted; they shade into each other without any definite boundary between shut-down and dissociation. I think that my poor proprioception and interoception play into this too; I am never quite in touch with what my body is doing, making it easier for my mind to dissociate from my body.
I don't have a thyroid condition (I've been tested many times to see if it was a factor in my traits), but I've spoken with plenty of other autistic people on line who dissociate easily. In your case, with the medication seemingly the trigger for dissociation, I can certainly see how, for an autistic person, it might be an attractive or useful way to muffle the world outside to ease mental strain. To a degree, I do use it that way; although I don't have a pill that I can take, getting really immersed in a special interest or going on a nature ramble quite often induce that state, so although I don't have direct control, I can create a situations where it's likely to happen as a way to give my brain a break.
To my mind, it's a matter of weighing the good side and the bad side; if the medication is helping you overall, then I wouldn't be too worried about it - what really matters is whether the consequences of being spaced out better than the consequences of the mood swings for you and the people around you.
Problem is with thyroxine it tends to be a case of you need the medication because your thyroid doesn't work on it's own. Mine has never worked from birth so literally I must take it or I'll go into a coma and die. I'm not sure how it is for the original person Lilysnape if hers is just a little under or is more severe?
For me it was the none working thyroid from birth plus the fact it wasn't found until I was 23 months old that caused the damage to the brain that caused the autism. For people who were autistic first then maybe got a low thyroid in adult life (as many older non-autistic adults also get sometimes) I don't know whether the levothyroxine has the same effects on the adult already fully developed brain?
For me I believe my degree of autism/dissociation etc may have been a result of no thyroxine when needed for the developing brain as I already had severe symptoms of autism by 23/24 month old.