Autistic

I have aspergers and got diagnosed 2 years ago. I'm 45 now. It was a relief to finally know and start to understand that it's ok to be me. I'm more relaxed now and it has helped my relationships with close family. I've chosen not to tell other people, so to most of the world I'm probably viewed as odd or a bit weird. But that's always been the case. I'm able to open up more about my anxieties to my partner and let her know when I'm not comfortable about things - in the past I tried to suppress things and it caused major anxiety and sadness.

I feel better equipped as I move into the next phase of life.

I was diagnosed aged fifty-three. For about five years prior to that my partner (who raised an Aspergers son) began saying bit by bit that some of my behaviours are like those of someone on the autism spectrum. I came to more and more consider myself as being on the autism spectrum.

Two years ago, a meltdown at work, due to being mistreated by a manager, left me in no doubt that my reaction was  typical of someone with Aspergers in an overwhelming situation. After that I started identifying myself as Aspergers. This year my diagnosis confirmed what I already knew to be true.

Since then I have been observing how I behave and am shocked at times to find the degree to which my autism affects me in social situations, I appear to be a lot more autistic than I thought. I believe I have spent nearly my entire life playing down my autistic traits or making excuses for them, and now I am learning to live with how I am.

I feel a lot happier in my life than I ever did, and I am finding I seldom make excuses for how I am, I just inform people and say things like: "That's a lot of information you have just told me, it is unlikely that I will retain much of it as my autism affects how I process information". I find I am being more confident with my autism, and for me it's just building on that on a daily basis. Rather than a feeling that I am coping with my autism, I feel I am learning about my autism.

I decided not to learn anything about autism before my diagnosis and so one of the first things I did post-diagnosis was begin to learn about autism. This, in turn, helped me to begin accepting myself rather than trying to conform to society's 'norm' (a process which, years later, is still continuing).

My diagnosis gave the answer as to why I need quiet, why I get stressed about certain things (e.g. people not sticking to times), etc.

Taking part in this community forum also helps.

As far as I am concerned, accepting and dealing with my diagnosis is an ongoing process.