Published on 12, July, 2020
I have recently been thinking about my social interaction with people and other than the people I work with, I only have my partner for social interaction.
Up to a point I am fine with this and still seek being on my own away from my partner, which he understands and is happy to accommodate. However, I have been wondering if this is a completely healthy way of going about life. I'm not lonely and if anything find I will do anything to find isolation following work, as I am normally feel overwhelmed at the end of a shift.
What I am debating in my head is whether I am in a bit of a rut and have accepted this isolation and therefore it doesn't affect me? At the moment, I am happy being with just my partner and looking after my animals. My partner has been a little concerned in the past, but I think like me has accepted that this is the way I am and shouldn't force social interactions on me. I hear from others though that social interaction makes us happy and stops us feeling isolated and depressed. If I didn't have my partner and animals, then I may be able to relate to this better.
I find friendships hard work and difficult to keep. One side of me said I will be putting unnecessary stress on myself by trying to find new friends (especially with similar interests to me!), the other side of me is thinking about the fact that I have become to reliant on my partner and animals for social stimulus and should instead step outside of my comfort zone.
Has anyone else had this debate and come to some sort of logical conclusion of what is best or has experienced the outcome for themselves? Fr
Hi Starbuck. I am exactly in the same place as you are. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 38 (I turned 39 2 days ago). I had a certain perception about myself before I was diagnosed but, 4 months later, I have had to reassess who I am and where I am in life. I find making friends incredibly difficult and I can't maintain relationships. I have always been in executive jobs and felt that my personality traits were suited to this colder, harsher and unemotional environment. I assumed that I had no friends at work because, as a senior manager, it is to be expected that people remain more aloof. I have come to understand that the problem is actually with me and my ability to socialise.
Prior to my diagnosis of high functioning autism I was wrongly misdiagnosed as having a whole plethora of mental health problems. I couldn't comprehend that the person in those reports was actually me and I never accepted it. Every time I voiced my concerns I was told that my refusal to accept this misdiagnosis was evidence that I did indeed suffer from the issues identified! As a result I became very unsure of myself in every situation and the stress of the repercussions of the misdiagnosis caused me health problems. I was diagnosed with PTSD, trauma and anxiety. I couldn't cope with life and gave in work.
I retreated into myself and surrounded myself with rescue dogs. I have always felt happier in the company of animals and have always rescued animals. Being at home with my 4 dogs has given me a purpose in life and a reason to get up every day.
I also have a supportive partner and we have been together for just over 5 years now. He works in psychology and has spent time working with autistics who are lower functioning. Until my diagnosis I was happy to be completely reliant on him for my social interactions or to stay at home. It is great that my partner sees me for the person that I am but I do think at times he forgets that I am autistic. As a consequence I feel overburdened in our communications together which frustrates me.
Now I have been diagnosed I have started to realise just how isolated I have become. I now feel ready to try and face the world again but I am unsure how to do this. After having a good think about things I really do want to be with people that understand me, where I can just be me and that is completely OK, where I don't have to explain myself over and over again and where I am not judged unfairly. I don't want to be dependent upon my partner. Prior to my misdiagnosis I always considered myself as an extrovert. I do like the company of other people up to a point. At the end of the day human beings are social animals regardless of our autistic constraints. I have come to the decision that I want to cut the apron strings and start doing things for myself again, to empower myself and learn how to manage social interactions in a way that I too can benefit from. I have today made an effort to talk to my neighbour for the first time in 4 years! It turns out we have a lot in common and we have said we are going to start attending keep fit classes together. I have been open with her about my autism and she has been great. It is a small step which I think will make a huge difference and one that I can learn from and build on. It won't be easy but I think by feeling more independant will be a good thing for me.
NAS35212 said:Now I have been diagnosed I have started to realise just how isolated I have become. I now feel ready to try and face the world again but I am unsure how to do this. After having a good think about things I really do want to be with people that understand me, where I can just be me and that is completely OK, where I don't have to explain myself over and over again and where I am not judged unfairly.
This is a good place to be to find those connections with people....
Ellie
42, self diagnosed Aspie and a full time middle manager
also coping.