Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I've got Asperger's Syndrome, General Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder focused on obsessive worrying. So it may come as no surprise to you that I'm finding living through recent world events rather... difficult.
I'm coping really well in comparison to how I would've done a few years ago, my meds and my forays into mindfulness etc. have helped wonders, but "really well" still means jumping at every small noise, having a really high heart rate, hiding under table, not being able to focus on things, having awful mental visions of worst case scenarios, the whole shebang.
I've been through CBT twice, the first time the therapist came back to me after a few sessions and said, "I've just been to a workshop on Autism and I don't think this'll work for you so I'm going to cancel", the second asked me a lot of questions about my daily life and eating and all sorts but only really told me about mindfulness, which I knew about in my studies in the interim (it was a 3 and a half year wait for more CBT). I try to meditate but the worries are so all-consuming and they bring about such vivid fear that it's difficult to maintain a sense of detachment from them. It's also difficult because as the worries are based on world events they are things that could happen, they are actually feasible. Their likelihood may be debated but the fact that there's a chance they could happen makes the fear real. I worry less when I watch things or play games but when I'm doing "boring" tasks the worry and fear comes back because my mind wanders and it's hard to stay focused when I have such fearful worries, but life is full of "boring" things that have to be done, and I've got to keep living my life. It's got to the point where it's quite-literally paralysing worry and fear. It also doesn't help sleep at all, I have melatonin which basically drugs me to sleep and my anxiety meds do make me drowsy a lot so that helps but when I've really got a worry on I have a lot of trouble sleeping as I don't feel "safe".
Anyway I was just worrying if anybody else is feeling or has felt the same way and if anybody had any ideas as to how I could help myself.
I'm in the News avoidance camp too, headlines on 6 Music are about all I'm exposed to though I've just realised that I sometimes watch Sky news late at night, which is a really bad idea when you have trouble with anxiety and sleeping so I think I will put a stop to that.
I think focusing on the things you can do to make a positive difference in your own environment, including on line, is the only way to build a more positive mindset though I know that is difficult and the world is looking pretty screwed up at the moment. Maybe age has taught us that it is self defeating and pointless to worry about things we can do nothing about all over the world.