Published on 12, July, 2020
I think my OH has High functioning autism, we have been together 10 years and even in the very begining he made odd comments that were innapropriate (told me I had bad teeth while out on a first date, got his whole family together on xmas day to tell them he didnt like any of his presents, not feeling any awkwardness in these kind of situations and just saying he is 'just being honest') there are many many other examples over the years.
He hates social situations and would have to have a few drinks before he went.
He thinks he is always right and will never consider my opinion or feelings, he acts selfishly and always puts himself and his needs first, he is obsessed by his hobby and spends all of his time and money doing it.
He is always commenting on disgusting smells that I cannot small, annoying noises that I cannot hear, he is also obsessed over househld cleanliness and has routines and rules for most cleaning that he follows himself but I also have to follow, if I dont he gets very angry, he see's it as me not caring about him. If I dont do what I say he gets angry, if I disagree with him he gets angry. He gets angry a lot.
He tells me what to do all of the time, and mostly watches me to check I am doing it right, he hates if I watch him or am even near him when he is cooking for example.
I have to answer my phone immediately or he gets angry, but he doesn't have to answer his phone because sometimes he is busy.
If I go out I have to come in the exact time I say I will or he gets angry, this doesn't apply to him he can come and go as he pleases.
He NEVER says sorry or accepts any blame for anything, he would rather chop his own arm off than be in the wrong.
There is so much more but I just wanted to try and give you an idea, I know that he is HFA, but I think that he also verging on to being emotionally abusive (I am not saying that autism equals emotional abuse just that in my situation he seems to have learned strategies to deal with how he feels that are emotionally abusive if you see what I mean)
How can I deal with this, are there any support groups for adults in a relationship with someone with undiagnosed HFA
Miamoo their is no defence for emotional abuse and bullying.
If someone feels emotionally abused and bullied then they are, irrespective of what the perpetrator says or thinks.
The abusers often claim the victim is imagining it or is over sensitive or that it is the victims fault and provoked by the victim but these are all lies.
From what you have said you are in a very bad place and when an abuser is in denial and driven by anger nothing will change nothing can change but can only get worse and you do not have to put up with abuse nor tolerate it nor learn to live with it.
Love and abusive power are incompatible.
I don't know your dependence or independence in the relationship financially or psychologically and how long this has been going on and why you have lived with this suffering for so long but you are reaching out desperate for help so you need to get out of this relationship.
I suggest you google emotional abuse and the law in the Uk and there are many charities and others that offer advice and help and support.
But I must stress that it is now against the law and he could get into a lot of trouble if he is manipulating you and forcing you to stay in a relationship that is toxic.