Published on 12, July, 2020
I really wish that I could hibernate. This time of year has nothing to commend itself to me. I hate the dark, cold, grey days of winter. Most of the family I have lost died in winter. The worst bullying I experienced was in the run up to christmas and at christmas work social events. Before I retired, I used to look forward to some time off work and to overindulging in food and drink. I am now more health concious, and always used to hate the mixture of hangovers and that dreadful moment of getting on the scales in January to see what damage I had done.
I think I come from an autistic family. The more I read, the more asd traits I remember in my parents. They wouldn't take part in Christmas when they became older. They had a bare minimum of contact with the outside world, once they retired. I am not as unsociable as they are, but christmas has too much socialising and even the nicest of pubs is noisy and overcrowded.
January had a strange effect, in that I would become hyperactive, crash diet, and decide I could survive by will power alone. I would focus entirely on my goals until the horrible moment of realisation came, that I was trampling over everyones feelings and great waves of resentment were hitting me from everyone I knew. I would then crawl away and hide until the worst was past. By the end of February, life would return to normal and I could look forward to spring.
Is there anything nice about this time of year?
That sucks. I've been long-term unemployed: it's my opinion that job seekers allowance is wages for being a government scapegoat. They should really pay the minimum wage. And it seems like the unemployed isn't enough for the current government: they've got to treat disabled people as scroungers too!
I'm struggling in my current job. Even though so far I've not managed to persuade the medical proffesion that I need an asd assesment, there's related problems that have lost me previous jobs and I'm barely holding on to this one. Thanks to money off my parents I've recently qualified as a pet behaviorist (on a proper government regulated level 5 course). Just hope I can keep it together enough to make a go of that. Launching in the new year! It's not just you finds animal bussineses can be slow and poorly paid. I'd be stuck if it wasn't for my parents.
Had a surprise today. In the co-op and they started playing Rudolf the Red Nosed ***** Reindeer. But it turns out the co-op plays a better version! Found the lyrics online:
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer Had a very shiny nose And if you ever saw it You would even say it glows All of the other reindeer Used to laugh and call him names They never let poor Rudolph Join in any reindeer games Then one foggy Christmas eve Santa came to say: "Rudolph with your nose so bright Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" Then how the reindeer loved him As they shouted out with glee (yippee) "Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer You'll go down in history." Well Rudolph he didn't go for that He said "I see through your silly games" How could you look me in the face When only yesterday you called me names? Well all of the other reindeers man, Well they sure did feel ashamed, "Rudolph you know we're sorry, We're truly gonna try to change"
(By Jack Johnson apparently)