Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought I would write a piece about dating with disabilities. I’m currently (single) but have found dating a minefield, I was bullied severely in secondary school as mentioned in a previous peice and post. I have had girlfriends but nothing really serious. I found myself recently using “adult material” as a gap fill instead, and realising I want a girlfriend and something real and meaningful it’s also sad which is then depressing as there’s more to life.
Its days and weeks when I don’t speak to anyone, another day not talking to anyone?!
Under the WHO and Universal declaration of human rights and various clauses is the right of disabled to have a sexuality and eqaul access to health care.
I read a peice about sexuality and sex and disabilities Peter commented on it.
I’ve tried disability dating agencies with no luck, it was the worst experience of my life ever! I went to a disability dating agency I was shown a brochure, page after page of disabled all looking for love it was degrading and demoralising. I have had proper adult relationships first person I said I loved it ended badly, but I still care about her, she’s moved on with someone else but I still care about her first love Charlotte nice girl.
The word love is chucked around so easily how people interpreted love there’s also sex and love which are two different things.
I’m sitting at home at the moment just me and my mum and I want something real and meaningful, a silent house. Having no girlfriend is depressing, I don’t want to pay for adult relations just to have some female companionship touch interaction with a girl. There’s no point being a man if you have no one but particularly a girlfriend.
I shoulndt have to pay for female companionship or interaction, I have a masseuse I have her because it’s any sort of female interaction it shows how little I interact with people as mentioned I have no friends which is even more depressing I have agoraphobia.
I spend days not talking to anyone and (I’m not happy) (I don’t want a partner).
I reach out trying to talk to girls online which end up being fakes I want to talk to real girls and women, it’s isolating and frustrating, then do I go to another dating agency? Or give up any relationship and become a monk “joke”.
I read other blogs about disabilities and sex and sexuality it shouldn't be this difficult and fiddly to find a girlfriend.
im probably not the only one to find them selves in this situation but if your a heterosexual male it’s like “is that all there is” “I want more than adult material”, I want a real relationship with a girl. It’s good for clarity knowing what I want but I feel like I’ve been left on shelf at 40 which is depressing as well. I don’t want alternative I would like a nice cute female librarian that would do.
Im not superficial or vein just a genuine lad, I have looked and have tried and I still want a girlfriend would be nice
prefer talking to women than men. I would like some more comments from women
Since I've been on this forum I've read some ideas that are so out of date/off the mark that I've been shocked.
One member I disagreed with said that autistic women just need to dress up in sexy clothes to attract men - like it's so easy.
It's just as hard for autistic women to meet men as it is the other way around.
We have the same social issues and it doesn't matter how attractive you are - those social issues etc get in the way all the time.
Also, I've been told that women want to regress to the 1950s and have that lifestyle (and total lack of choice) and that will make them happy.
Wrong.
Just treat women as other people with the same insecurities and difficulties as yourself.
Get to know them as friends - I met my husband as a friend 1st (via work).
It took me many many years to settle into a long-term relationship.
I was in my 1st long-term relationship with a man in my mid 40s and married in my mid 50s.
The most important thing is to actually meet people.
That sounds like something I would say and tbh if we are talking about casual sex I stand by it. Very unscientific 'experaments' sugest if a young women randomly aproches men in publich for casual sex about 50% of men will say yes. If you are female, between 18-35 and of average or abouve average physical atractiveness all you need to do to get casual sex is dress revealingly, go to places men approch women and when one does say yes. ... Now will that translate into a relationship? ... thats another matter. But that initial hook is as simple as 'dress sexy' and its the initial hook autistic men are generally strugeling with.
As some one who has probably had more female friends than male, a fair few of whom have been honest enough to say they could never think of me in a sexual way, I can confirm that it is certainly not as simple has making female friends or having lots of female friends, allthough I agree this doesn't hurt your chances.
Ask them why, man! You have a treasure trove of female friends! If they are friends they will come to your aid.
I've made a concious effort to stop lying for many years now, with a fair degree of success, I am pleased to report, but there's been a lot of "interesting" consequences to that course of action.
It's a killer for your bankbook, initially...
By omission if nothing else. For example a few years ago a friend expressed a romantic interest in me. But I wasn’t interested in her. There were lots of really good reasons why I wasn’t interested in her. I chose to only give the two that I thought wouldn’t make her feel too bad.
How about you Peter, do you lie too?
Let me rephrase that in more egalitarian way then. Human beings lie, frequently, to everybody, including themselves. Especially about things like romantic attachment.
men also lie to women about romantic attachment frequently. as House likes to say everybody lies.
Peter, your prima facie statement reads as;
"Women often lie about what they are looking for in a romantic attachment."
If you simply precede those words with "In my opinion," or "In my experience," or "I believe", then to my mind, no one could reasonably take issue with your words, (or your truth, if you prefer.)
If you want to learn about this subject matter (that you self-proclaim to struggle with), you could simply precede those words with "Can I just ask, do....." and finish with a question mark. That way, some people who can claim some expertise and competency in this subject matter, might offer you some kindly guidance and advice.
Words matter. We have a responsibility to each other here in this community. It isn't difficult. It doesn't require any effort. It doesn't require anyone to compromise their own beliefs or opinions on ANY subject in ANY way.
Civil discourse......if we continue to loose it, we will ALL continue to loose too much.
Rights and freedoms come with responsibilities.
Wow, a real schism of thought here!
Peter just seems to be speaking the plain truth.
I am so looking forwards to Numbers take on this!
Fill your boots...
Can we however, (me included) keep the discussion as dispassionate as possible, and actually try and explore and maybe grope twards an understanding of the other guys perspective? I realise this does expose some of us to the possiblity of having to change one's mind about long held ideas, (again, me included in that) and that can cause cognitive dissonance (an acute mental pain), so be ready and try and keep participatiing or take a rest until it passes.
I'd like to try and learn more, about "how the other half lives" this looks like an opportunity...
please do, thanks #. you've got the right stuff for this. I' lost for words.
Holy moly dude.......lost for words ! I'll try to assemble some (words) constructively, and place them for your consideration.....I might need a while.
I’m sure you are aware the image is just a meme. But girls in general, girls I’m interested in, yes I do. I’m very interested to hear about the interests and aspirations of women I’m into until / unless I learn something about them that makes them no longer interesting. How ever women often lie about what they are looking for in a romantic attachment. Sometimes for gain or to save face. Sometimes to avoid hurting your feelings. Sometimes because they are lying to them selves.
ok. Did you ask her what she wants and hopes" for?
This basicly sums up my approch to dating.
Nah I think I over did it. I made a private social media group called Human flesh search engine (literal translation of the chinese term Rénròu Sōusuǒ: it's a search engine made of flesh not spicificly for flesh) to ask for my friends help looking for dates. They all removed themselves from the group fairly fast. The idea of activly using they social conections to help me search for dates must have made them fear for their social standing amoung their peers.
this is good. Keep asking and collecting information. There are people out there who would match you. you just need to put yourself where they can find you. these answers will steer you in the right direction by helping you fill in a map of how you are perceived. You will get many answers. don't take any of them personally. think of it as research.
also you can find groups with common interests and focus there.
I had stalker so for 4/5 years thought I was talking to a girl and then you get fake DMS as well combined with the dating agencies etc as well sincere genuine lad just trying to find a girlfriend would be nice. What I meant by real is a real girl had a few drag etc no offence hope not trying to explain by what I mean as real and it’s not just the once
Seems advisable to test them at the start of every drive, now that he mentions it.
I Sperg said:SO (and you can take this to the bank) what they think they want, and what they actually need, are two very different things, which makes obtaining dating advice from them, an optimistic endeavour at best, and usually about as much use as oil soaked brake pads.
I just want one women one relationship thanks for the message
And I was agreeing, and offering an explanation why not.
They clearly don't like me blabbing the secret knowledge... ;c)
According to my Dr I am punching well above my weight for an Autistic person, in terms of how I relate and function socially. In fact until I did the test it appeared form his attitude that he was treating me like an imposter.
Since it is an achievement that I feel was "aimed for and got" rather than blind luck, it follows (So I thought) that I might have something to offer in discussions such as this.
Especially since, unlike most men, I spent 3 or 4 years being the only (invisible, I do invisible very well) male in a class full of young females listening to them witter on about relationships, expections, what was wrong with blokes, what they "really want out of life" etc.
Of course we pretend that the fundamental biology and way womens brains are structured has changed over the last few years, making such knowledge out of date, but I'm not so sure it is. I am sure however that we are swimming in a sea of guff these days about about how human bonding adn relationships really work...
SO (and you can take this to the bank) what they think they want, and what they actually need, are two very different things, which makes obtaining dating advice from them, an optimistic endeavour at best, and usually about as much use as oil soaked brake pads.
Disclaimer: I'm possibly fairly low T, as I never wanted or tried to be a "Playa". All I ever aimed for, was one woman, one relationship...
I Sperg said:if they were not mysterious and different from us men, then they woudn't be "real" women...
I’m only pointing out the advice I’ve received from female friends hasn’t been terribly helpful