Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought I would write a piece about dating with disabilities. I’m currently (single) but have found dating a minefield, I was bullied severely in secondary school as mentioned in a previous peice and post. I have had girlfriends but nothing really serious. I found myself recently using “adult material” as a gap fill instead, and realising I want a girlfriend and something real and meaningful it’s also sad which is then depressing as there’s more to life.
Its days and weeks when I don’t speak to anyone, another day not talking to anyone?!
Under the WHO and Universal declaration of human rights and various clauses is the right of disabled to have a sexuality and eqaul access to health care.
I read a peice about sexuality and sex and disabilities Peter commented on it.
I’ve tried disability dating agencies with no luck, it was the worst experience of my life ever! I went to a disability dating agency I was shown a brochure, page after page of disabled all looking for love it was degrading and demoralising. I have had proper adult relationships first person I said I loved it ended badly, but I still care about her, she’s moved on with someone else but I still care about her first love Charlotte nice girl.
The word love is chucked around so easily how people interpreted love there’s also sex and love which are two different things.
I’m sitting at home at the moment just me and my mum and I want something real and meaningful, a silent house. Having no girlfriend is depressing, I don’t want to pay for adult relations just to have some female companionship touch interaction with a girl. There’s no point being a man if you have no one but particularly a girlfriend.
I shoulndt have to pay for female companionship or interaction, I have a masseuse I have her because it’s any sort of female interaction it shows how little I interact with people as mentioned I have no friends which is even more depressing I have agoraphobia.
I spend days not talking to anyone and (I’m not happy) (I don’t want a partner).
I reach out trying to talk to girls online which end up being fakes I want to talk to real girls and women, it’s isolating and frustrating, then do I go to another dating agency? Or give up any relationship and become a monk “joke”.
I read other blogs about disabilities and sex and sexuality it shouldn't be this difficult and fiddly to find a girlfriend.
im probably not the only one to find them selves in this situation but if your a heterosexual male it’s like “is that all there is” “I want more than adult material”, I want a real relationship with a girl. It’s good for clarity knowing what I want but I feel like I’ve been left on shelf at 40 which is depressing as well. I don’t want alternative I would like a nice cute female librarian that would do.
Im not superficial or vein just a genuine lad, I have looked and have tried and I still want a girlfriend would be nice
prefer talking to women than men. I would like some more comments from women
Since I've been on this forum I've read some ideas that are so out of date/off the mark that I've been shocked.
One member I disagreed with said that autistic women just need to dress up in sexy clothes to attract men - like it's so easy.
It's just as hard for autistic women to meet men as it is the other way around.
We have the same social issues and it doesn't matter how attractive you are - those social issues etc get in the way all the time.
Also, I've been told that women want to regress to the 1950s and have that lifestyle (and total lack of choice) and that will make them happy.
Wrong.
Just treat women as other people with the same insecurities and difficulties as yourself.
Get to know them as friends - I met my husband as a friend 1st (via work).
It took me many many years to settle into a long-term relationship.
I was in my 1st long-term relationship with a man in my mid 40s and married in my mid 50s.
The most important thing is to actually meet people.
That sounds like something I would say and tbh if we are talking about casual sex I stand by it. Very unscientific 'experaments' sugest if a young women randomly aproches men in publich for casual sex about 50% of men will say yes. If you are female, between 18-35 and of average or abouve average physical atractiveness all you need to do to get casual sex is dress revealingly, go to places men approch women and when one does say yes. ... Now will that translate into a relationship? ... thats another matter. But that initial hook is as simple as 'dress sexy' and its the initial hook autistic men are generally strugeling with.
As some one who has probably had more female friends than male, a fair few of whom have been honest enough to say they could never think of me in a sexual way, I can confirm that it is certainly not as simple has making female friends or having lots of female friends, allthough I agree this doesn't hurt your chances.
Peter said:if a young women randomly aproches men in publich for casual sex about 50% of men will say yes. If you are female, between 18-35 and of average or abouve average physical atractiveness all you need to do to get casual sex is dress revealingly, go to places men approch women and when one does say yes
Unfortunately I remember conversations rather well, and I said 'we are talking about autistic women here' and we just aren't like this - I doubt many of us are into casual sex so this isn't a method for us to get into relationships.
I believe you came up with one example of one woman you know who you believe to be autistic who you believe to be into casual sex ...
It was however relationships we were discussing, not casual sex.
As I said then, social anxiety held me back from many opportunities during my lifetime and there were a lot of approaches from men (and some women ).
I doubt many of us are into casual sex so this isn't a method for us to get into relationships.
I mean that's a choice (a valid choice but still a choice). A lot of NT women do convert casual sex into relationships or begin relationships with casual sex. I'm not saying the efficency is high but think about it. If the effeciency is as low as say 5% and you did it every weekend on average it wouldn't take you more than a year to get into a relationship.
I'm 100% sure there are autistic women into casual sex. And I've certainly known women with autistic type traites who converted casual sex it into long term relationships.
Put bluntly not all autistic women have social anxiaty. Some are down right extroverted and chaty. That isn't to say they don't step on social landmines, but they tend to get away with it because they are manic pixy dream girl types who amuse (or arouse) the people around them. I have seen this with my own eyes and tbh I am envious of it. If I could pull off that trick I probably would. I would gladly adopt the role of 'manic pixxy dream boy' if I knew how.
I do think there is one fact that’s relevant here and that’s that in general men are much likely to approach women than vice versa.
So a “quiet” man is unlikely to be approached while a “quiet” woman is.