Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought I would write a piece about dating with disabilities. I’m currently (single) but have found dating a minefield, I was bullied severely in secondary school as mentioned in a previous peice and post. I have had girlfriends but nothing really serious. I found myself recently using “adult material” as a gap fill instead, and realising I want a girlfriend and something real and meaningful it’s also sad which is then depressing as there’s more to life.
Its days and weeks when I don’t speak to anyone, another day not talking to anyone?!
Under the WHO and Universal declaration of human rights and various clauses is the right of disabled to have a sexuality and eqaul access to health care.
I read a peice about sexuality and sex and disabilities Peter commented on it.
I’ve tried disability dating agencies with no luck, it was the worst experience of my life ever! I went to a disability dating agency I was shown a brochure, page after page of disabled all looking for love it was degrading and demoralising. I have had proper adult relationships first person I said I loved it ended badly, but I still care about her, she’s moved on with someone else but I still care about her first love Charlotte nice girl.
The word love is chucked around so easily how people interpreted love there’s also sex and love which are two different things.
I’m sitting at home at the moment just me and my mum and I want something real and meaningful, a silent house. Having no girlfriend is depressing, I don’t want to pay for adult relations just to have some female companionship touch interaction with a girl. There’s no point being a man if you have no one but particularly a girlfriend.
I shoulndt have to pay for female companionship or interaction, I have a masseuse I have her because it’s any sort of female interaction it shows how little I interact with people as mentioned I have no friends which is even more depressing I have agoraphobia.
I spend days not talking to anyone and (I’m not happy) (I don’t want a partner).
I reach out trying to talk to girls online which end up being fakes I want to talk to real girls and women, it’s isolating and frustrating, then do I go to another dating agency? Or give up any relationship and become a monk “joke”.
I read other blogs about disabilities and sex and sexuality it shouldn't be this difficult and fiddly to find a girlfriend.
im probably not the only one to find them selves in this situation but if your a heterosexual male it’s like “is that all there is” “I want more than adult material”, I want a real relationship with a girl. It’s good for clarity knowing what I want but I feel like I’ve been left on shelf at 40 which is depressing as well. I don’t want alternative I would like a nice cute female librarian that would do.
Im not superficial or vein just a genuine lad, I have looked and have tried and I still want a girlfriend would be nice
And this is the hard part. It's like the right to be a parent. People are happy to call it a right untill someone has to pay for IVF or the issue of aquiring sperm / egg donations or surogates comes up. In practice it not a right to be a parent it's a right not to have the state stop you being a parent and it tends to work the same way with sex. I'm sure some disabeled people who's disabilities make it infesable to get pregnant naturally have gotten the goverment to pay for IVF etc. I know some nordic countries have scheams that pay for disabled people to visit prostitutes ... but as we've asertained you don't want that, lots of people don't. It's an indictment of modern sociaty that no one has come up with a better scheam for addressing disabled sexlessness than subsidised prostitution.
As I've said before their ought to be some sort of facilitated dating scheam. Like speed dating where the autistic people of one gender get their own speed dating event where people of the oposite sex (mostly neurotypical) get in free, get free drinks etc. Lure the oposite sex in with a good party and then let them get to see peoples personalities. Make it so there is a 2 to 1 gender ration in faviour of the autistic people.
I’ve tried disability dating agencies with no luck, it was the worst experience of my life ever! I went to a disability dating agency I was shown a brochure, page after page of disabled all looking for love it was degrading and demoralising.
Do you mind sharing what spicificly you found degrading / demorilising about it?
I was thinking about prostitutes or escorts that’s sad in its self I shouldn’t have to pay out for female companionship which makes me more depressed. That’s why I have the masseuse female interaction sad but true kind regards
Yes - what you say. Realism and effort and good luck = happy relationships.
There's someone for everyone, and as you've already indicated you are looking for the whole triangle, love sex and marriage.
I did internet dating 20 years ago and what worked for me was:
I read 400 profiles and found only 16 that I could realistically see me both "suiting" and being "suited" by. Far, Far more that I'd like to have some sex with, but only 16 out of 400 possible "mates"
I wrote to all 16. something like "Hello, I'm I Sperg, I liked your profile please take a look at mine and see if you would like to email me back.
I got four or five replies, ended up corresponding with four.
Here's the kicker, I'd already mentioined in my profile that I was pereniially skint, (might as well eliminate those who would be disapointed, quickly, I felt) and I had told all four that I was only on a 24 hour hour trial membership, so we'd HAVE to use my personal email account...
I talked to all four by email for a week or so, "What do you talk about? I asked myself" NOTHING SERIOUS came the reply, so I kept it light until one of 'em offered me a date...
I suppose it went well really, as 22 years later I'm about to sit down and have some lunch with her and with the T.V.
I took a methodical approach, Used the life and people information gleaned from my overly recommended book to sieve through all the unworkables first so try and maximise my chance of success, I was in teh process of losing my house and my life was falling to bits (athough I didn't fully realise it at the time. I knew it was changing, and was optimistic at the time.)
Above all I kept it totally truthful, to avoid infliciting early disappointment, (disappontment ALWAYS hits in a relationship once the bloody stupid phermones (and other self made hallucinogenic drugs your body makes and pumps during the early phases of a relationship to trap us into creating children) clears yours and your new partners systems...
At this point it's really, really, handy to be such a nice and useful person, that your partner is willing to overlook the horrible flaws that they finally noticed. This stops them levaing you straight away and if they have any real character (I looked for that!) they won't have an affair either...
Neither will you.
That's what worked for me, mayeb there's some takeaway there.
I can say with my hand on heart, that the "thought leaders" in media, behind the T.V. programming etc, are leading everyone up the garden path about what realy makes people happy. They just focus on teh sex part and completely ignore the love and marriage part. LOVE actually is stopping yourself complaining out loud when your partner does "that bloody thing" again... It's got sod all to do with being happy, although done right, it makes you more happy & content.