Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm in my late 20s and have been curious about dating for quite a long time. I've wanted to try dating for ages, never have because of anxiety but since my dad got sick I realized if I leave it too late potentially my partner might not meet my parents, and if we had kids my kids might not know their grandparents and that's an upsetting thought and a worry but it's a realistic worry.
So with the above in mind I'm interested in dating and determined to give it a try in the next couple of months. I'm currently working at a preschool nursery, really fun job, the kids are great and the staff are all amazing and very supportive and understanding of my autism, even when I've unfortunately let them down and been unable to go in because my autism and anxiety were triggered. I couldn't wish to work in a better environment. The noise can be a bit much at times but when this happens I can go outside or in to the staff room. It's ideal for me and I love every second of it. I suffered a mental breakdown four years ago. At the time I never saw a future of myself where I would be well, happy and able to work and yet this hypothetical future is now a reality. Even now it feels like a dream.
Has anyone experience of dating and relationships with autism?
Would you say an autistic partner is best or do relationships with neurotypicals work out
And do you think it's worth me trying to do this? I've read so many accounts of dating for someone with autism and I know it's a bit of a lottery. I worry if I'm unsuccessful. I try not to overthink it though!
I'm lucky the woman who employed me is helping me try to become independent and I've considered asking her thoughts on this too.
Selina said: I realized if I leave it too late potentially my partner might not meet my parents, and if we had kids my kids might not know their grandparents
Although I understand the above, that's not a reason to date - you should be doing it because you want/need to, not for someone else (in my opinion).
It's also definitely not a reason to have children.
Although I thought I wanted a child when I was younger, I now wonder if I could have coped and especially whether the autistic man I was considering a child with, would have coped.
There are parents on this forum and some would probably attest to difficulties parenting as an autistic person.
Selina said:Has anyone experience of dating and relationships with autism?
Yes, a few relationships.
Selina said:Would you say an autistic partner is best or do relationships with neurotypicals work out
My personal experience is that an NT partner has been the best.
With regard to the autistic person I was involved with, we were both undiagnosed, but tended to have a lot of stress in our relationship, in retrospect related to our autism.
Selina said:And do you think it's worth me trying to do this?
It seems to me that you are treating this as an intellectual exercise and this makes me wonder if you feel any deep need to be in a relationship?
Relationships bring sex (not always) and companionship but they also bring a whole load of other stuff into your life.
I feel that what you need to know is what you really want.
Until I met my husband at the age of 45, I had had a few relationship but had spent the majority of my life single.
That did actually suit me quite well as I had 2 close friends (and a lovely cat) and I enjoy solitude.
What matters is what you want and need not what society or family etc expect of you (in my opinion).
All the best however you go forward with this.
Oh I don't know...
Probably not.
I admire people who can form units, but I'm not sure it's for me.
And how would I know if it was?
Another of Life's mysteries...
Pegg said:I admire people who can form units, but I'm not sure it's for me.
You are a unit, with your dog.
Is there another on its way?
Pegg said:but the truth seems to be that I can't tolerate people in person for very long, with rare notable exceptions.
I left home at 18 and lived in shared flats until my early 20s (because of cost, I'd have rather been alone).
Then I lived alone for 20 years + with just a couple of exceptions where I lived with a partner - each lasting no more than a year.
I think it is very hard for some people to live with another.
I love solitude, as I believe you do, and sometimes I miss it.
However, I was very lucky in meeting my husband in that he likes to spend a lot of time alone doing his art and is very self sufficient and not minutely controlling.
I know you have suffered some considerable trauma in your life so I suspect that has led to you cocooning yourself a little.
There is an expression that a friend (here) uses - to cloister oneself.
Being cloistered can be a wonderful thing, if it's what one requires.
ps. Exciting re the