Published on 12, July, 2020
Probably feel more anxious these days when I'm by myself than when I'm at work which is ironic cause by the end of a week I feel like I need a few days off with no people Worried about others always alone even though I still live at home worrying about the future trying to make sense of why nurotypicals hate us and why they hate us feeling butter cause nothing ever changes for us. Scared to go out on my days off cause you think everyone is out to screw you over even though in reality there not and not being able sleep due to dwelling on the past and thinking back to how you've been treated and feeling like your in hell I don't beleive in heaven hell but metaphoricaly. Speaking. Like s constant headache that won't go away.
That's a lot to have your on mind. I get it though. It's like having a constant thinking and talking headache all the time, that sort of anxiety worrying thinking. It lessens for me when I'm busy doing things but comes back in a storm when I'm idle, like when trying to fall asleep which results in very little sleep. I also find it's like this when I try to eat I guess because eating isn't very mind consuming.
I'm not a people person, they cause me a great deal of anxiety. In the past I've been lied to, tricked and hurt. They are literally the worst and never understand, because they don't even try to understand in my opinion. They see us and hate us without trying to get to know us first.
I hate being on my own, it sucks and it's lonely but I'd rather be like that than with people who treat me like rubbish.
Usually being on my own is ok so long as I keep busy. If I don't keep busy then anxiety creeps in and I'm in for a rough day.
I'm not either unless I'm drinking then that's the only time I feel confident. The rest of the time round I'm introvert always on edge figity cause of my ADHD hell I think my nervousness makes others nervous as they then get suspicious of you. I do carry one of the national autistic cards around in my wallet just incase but like public transport rtriggers my anxiety but like you when I'm working I'm fine I switch off I'm in routine I'm fine. But anything ellse when it comes to social conversions without drink I'm a nervous reck and a complete introvert thing is though I like talking but when you have crippleing anxiety it's not so easy. But being on my own my consionce races like whys the world so fucked why are goverment so corrupt why has nothing changed for us why don't people still understand yet even though we've been on this planet just as long as nurotypicals have cause I understand how autism devolps along with ADHD and slot of its linked to DNA over laps so why aren't we still not accepted in society *** like that basically. And yeah sucidal thoughts go through my mind to I guess at times cause I'm so sick of the bullshit and the migraine in my head. But nice to know I'm not alone I guess.