Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I'm new here and have a lot of questions regarding relationships.
I'm Thai and my wife is American, been together for 6 years and just started looking into our mental health seriously a year ago. She is highly sensitive, desperate for constant emotional support and validation, while I had difficulties identifying my own emotions and communicate them in the way that makes her feel the kindness, it usually ends up me stonewalling her while inside I feel overwhelmed. I am looking for more resources to to improve awareness of my feelings and the feelings of those around but hardly find anything geared towards the autistic person.
I've been very discouraged when I only found articles written for the neurotypical wife, as the wife will have todo double the work in communication and taking charge of relationship progress and lower the expectations for emotional support and expected to experience loneliness and I do not want the standard to be that way.
Both of my parents raised me to not give importance with feelings of my own and those around, I feel discouraged consulting them and they broke my trust most times. I grew up having difficulties making friends and retaining friendships, my long time friends said that I am more kind than how I let people know
About intimate relationships: If anyone can point me to resources to help with:
- my own emotional awareness
- becoming a good listener
- becoming aware of emotions of those around
- stop stonewalling when I did something wrong or when she expresses frustration even with things that aren't my fault
- stop hating myself when I do something wrong
Some details about my coping mechanisms:
- distance running
- playing and recording music (though I have a hard time jamming with others)
- video games
- meditation
Some info with therapy:
- still seeing a therapist who is a trauma specialist, does not formally diagnose autism (though says I'm likely high functioning ASD)
- I'm still seeking to get a formal diagnosis
thank you so much for your time,
Ninja
I'd ignore articles you read on Autism most are shown in a negtitive light on our kind. Especially towards males. It's just the way society is unfortunately. Can't help you on the emotional side of things I'm afraid as that's one thing I strugel with myself. Understanding NT emotions and the Hypersensitive tend to usually find me offensive as Im rather out spoken and blunt. Not intentionally offensive of course but when your ASD you don't have much of an option. Still sure you'll find the site helpful. I found it hard to fit an at 1st but once you get past that barria of self acceptance of your own Autism it's easy enough to get on people with here. Although you seem to already have done so I'm sure you'll do alright and hopefully find some gratification.
I totally feel you, when it comes to hurting sensitive people without intending to, a life long struggle. So far I found this community very helpful!