Being observed

For essentially my whole life I've hated doing things where people can see me doing them. I noticed it a lot during school, because I would hate doing work around my peers. The hating doing work where people can see me thing particularly came to light in sixth form, where during "study periods" I would never study because I felt like I was being watched, and it made me super uncomfortable. If I ever needed to get any work done I had to go to the isolated study booths in the library where people couldn't see me, but there was only a few so they often weren't available. I think this is part of why I underperformed in my a-levels. 

Now that I'm out of school, I notice more that it manifests in literally everything else I do. I hate cleaning when people are at home, I can't cook when people are in the kitchen, it took me months to be able to shower when people are home because I can hear the shower from anywhere in the house and therefore people will know I'm showering, which my brain doesn't like. I also do everything super quietly all the time, even stuff like opening the fridge. I just don't like that people can see or know what I'm doing ever, and I feel as though maybe it comes from being told I'm doing things "the wrong way" so much growing up. Or maybe it's just an autistic thing. Hence this post. Does anyone else feel similarly? I feel like this isn't something I see being talked about a lot, and so I'm curious as to whether it's the autism or just me being "weird" in some other way.

Parents
  • I could never do tests when pepole could see me doing them it was worse if I knew them.examples were karate gradings,driving tests,also I couldn't tell pepole I was doing them or I would be to nervous and fail.i relate to not cooking unless everyone was out the kitchen if it was a special meal.i do cold watter therepy and hate it if pepole watch or try to encourage me to do it as not in my own time.i often feel pepole are watching me at tge gym and it's very uncomfortable and I've since quit but need to find a quite one.

    David

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  • I could never do tests when pepole could see me doing them it was worse if I knew them.examples were karate gradings,driving tests,also I couldn't tell pepole I was doing them or I would be to nervous and fail.i relate to not cooking unless everyone was out the kitchen if it was a special meal.i do cold watter therepy and hate it if pepole watch or try to encourage me to do it as not in my own time.i often feel pepole are watching me at tge gym and it's very uncomfortable and I've since quit but need to find a quite one.

    David

Children
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