Published on 12, July, 2020
I've never had any reason to think I might be autistic but I did a test that popped up on facebook in an idle moment and was a bit surprised when it told me I was highly likely to be autistic. I didn't take it very seriously - facebook is hardly an authoritative source - but it niggled me a bit so I've taken every AQ test I can find online, repeatedly, and consistently get scores of 35-38. The main reason I think it unlikely that I could be autistic is that I am not a creature of habit, I'm untidy and don't like routines, in fact I like things that break routines, which doesn't sound very typical of autism from what I've read. But for some reason all these tests have unsettled me and I can't put my finger on why. I was just wondering if this resonates with anyone or if any of you have any thoughts to share on my experience?
It took me until the age of 64 to know that I was autistic.
I had a pretty good job for decades and thought "I can't be autistic if I'm doing this, can I?" Then I read about Vice Admiral Nick Hines, No 2 in the Royal Navy until recently and a former nuclear sub commander who is autistic. It was like reading about myself, so I checked out a credible psychiatric consultant with my GP and got a diagnosis a few weeks later. Bit of a shock.
I, too, do not present typically in some ways. In others, I do. We're all individuals and there isn't an approved profile. I'm high functioning, not affecting language or cognition. I've been a journalist, corporate consultant, company director, and private pilot. I've sailed, been a high mileage driver most of my life, and been at the table when some ground-shaking corporate events were being decided, in the US, UK and Europe. And yep, as it turns out, I'm autistic.
So your doubts do, indeed, resonate. But once I'd had the diagnosis, and given it time to mature in my mind, s-o-o-o many cogs fell into place, and so many things made sense.
I contacted Nick Hines and thanked him for putting me on the right path, and as he said "it's better to know". And yes, it is. I wish I'd known at 20, and if I had, some milestone life decisions would have been made from a more informed base, and would have gone a different way.
But that's in the past. From this point, I can navigate a neurotypical world with greater confidence and assurance, and that's an outcome I'll accept, even if it came a little late in life.
Hope that helps. Wishing you all the best, whatever route you decide on.