Published on 12, July, 2020
I've never had any reason to think I might be autistic but I did a test that popped up on facebook in an idle moment and was a bit surprised when it told me I was highly likely to be autistic. I didn't take it very seriously - facebook is hardly an authoritative source - but it niggled me a bit so I've taken every AQ test I can find online, repeatedly, and consistently get scores of 35-38. The main reason I think it unlikely that I could be autistic is that I am not a creature of habit, I'm untidy and don't like routines, in fact I like things that break routines, which doesn't sound very typical of autism from what I've read. But for some reason all these tests have unsettled me and I can't put my finger on why. I was just wondering if this resonates with anyone or if any of you have any thoughts to share on my experience?
There are different presentations of autism and everybody is slightly different. As they say, "when you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person". So, autism isn't uniform and effects different aspects of people lives to a greater or lesser extent depending on their presentation.
Unfortunately, the research that still influences much of the thinking around ASD was based on a small study of teenage white males, and much of the diagnostic criteria extrapolated from there. Which is why many women, girls, LGBTQ+ people and people from different ethnicities are not diagnosed until later in life or missed completely because their autism looks different.
Clearly your answers to these online tests are highlighting some traits which could indicate autism, though you can't take what they say as a diagnosis. If it is worrying you, then I suggest you start by reading more about other people's autistic experiences and see if you can find out what (if anything) resonates with your own life experiences.
I found reading memoirs like 'Drama Queen' by Sara Gibbs and 'Odd Girl Out' by Laura James really helpful. I also found listening to interviews with Holly Smale and watching YouTubers like Purple Ella, Yo Sandy Sam, The Aspie World and Hunter Hanson useful too. Their experiences of living with autism made more sense to me and were more relatable than simply reading the academic and highly pathologised criteria listed in the DSM-5.
Though I can totally relate to being blindsided by an online test - I did one after one of my kids was put forward for an ASD assessment and was stunned by the results, until I sat down and thought about it and realised that it explained so much about my life - it is also worth remembering that you don't have to follow up on any of this if you don't want to. It's totally your choice.
Thank you for taking the trouble to write this reply. I'll have a look at those books. I've done a bit of online research as well, there are a surprising number of things in the Venn diagram of my life and that of a diagnosed ASD person which I didn't expect to see, like the fact that I don't like to be touched or am fussy about foods based on texture. It never even occurred to me that such things might be linked, or would have anything to do with autism. But there are a lot of ASD experiences that have no resonance with me at all, so. don't think I am autistic - maybe a scientist could study me and come up with a new disorder, maybe I am my own disorder! But I don't think it's necessary to pathologise my personality and either way, it's not caused me any great problems in my life, I have a very successful career based on a lot of qualities that fall into that Venn diagram. This experience has taught me a lot I didn't know about autism and it's interesting to know that some of my quirks are shared by other people.
yes v true! was talking to my therapist the other day (only had her for a few sessions) who was saying she wants to look into me being autistic more (im not formally diagnosed but it is suspected by several mh professionals & i fit a lot of traits) & she was saying that there's no blanket set of symptoms that is every1 & every1 is completely different