Published on 12, July, 2020
I tried and tried to find the reply JuniperFromGallifrey gave me but cannot. So I am posting this information hoping to contact them. It is what we were talking about, women not having power in history. It is an article by Tara Mohr called Learning to Love Criticism in the New York Times if you want to look it up. It is the paragraph starting:
"There's another, deeper factor that informs women's relationship to criticism and praise."
I really wish this forum was nice and clear like the PHP forums. I search and search for people's replies, then the reply button doesn't appear. Sooooo frustrating.
Oh hi!!! How strange. I'll try to friend you :)
After refreshing the page a few times, the reply button appears! There, we are friends now!
I think I've had better luck on Chrome than Safari. Sometimes this is the case for various websites. And what a good article!
I often describe my younger self as not having 'agency' - and this is exactly what this is about. But I also had a youth riddled with just not comprehending the social structures and use of language around me. And in the house I grew up in criticism was not kind or affirming. It was debilitating. To my own credit and maybe un-recognised wee spectrummy me (LOL) found ways to Escape, created distance - probably recognised certain typical ways of engaging that I felt disgust by.
I think in my late 20's I met humans who where kind when they used a type of critique & seemed to care. This obviously changed my expectations. But, yes, add a difficulty with social nuances and language and getting it wrong meant being homeless!
I preach the Gospel according to Firefox.
Ah yes, the undiagnosed medical issues. All mine have been dismissed, even mocked, by doctors so now I live a life of constant peeling, chopping, cooking, baking as I can no longer tolerate artificial additives in food without being violently sick or other such unpleasant side effects. It's only autism that has ever been taken seriously with doctors, to my great surprise.
I just have my husband, no other long term supporters. It's lonely. I got in touch with old school friends and university friends a few years ago, only to find them disinterested or even hostile to me. I thought I got on well with them but seems not. I worked out that maybe it was because they preferred 'loser Kikicat' who had no boyfriend, no job, was always getting into muddles. They think now I'm married with a child, I am less likeable as a friend, maybe a threat to them? I dunno. Weird, but at least I know they aren't my true supporters, however nice they used to be and all the fun times we had together.
No, I don't go out anymore due to my annoying health issues, it's just easier to stay in instead of taking bags of food and drink with me, looking for toilets etc. I've tried lots of groups e.g. Meetup, local groups, but I'm always met with blank stares and/or hostility so I've given up.
In fact today I decided I'm obviously not cut out for friendships and should please myself. I will maybe one day go out again to events by myself and do it just for me, I can't hope to find friends. I research a lot on the internet, that is fun for me. Finding out interesting facts and information, I should start a library.