Published on 12, July, 2020
haven't had one in almost a couple decades, and don't foresee one anytime soon, if ever. it's just too hard being around someone, i need to do things my way, i hate cleaning things (except washing the dishes, i love to cook, although it's often the same exact thing), i don't[ bother screwing in light bulbs that burn out (i use solar lights i carry around and prop up, for crying out loud), and my house is so messy and revolting that i can't have anyone in... i seem to have my own slug-like rhythm, which i don't want others intruding on. in short, i am impossible to be around, and i find others impossible to tolerate, and probably will lash out at them sooner rather than later.
i am very private, very into myself, and don't let others into my world. having another person around, on an intimate or even semi-intimate basis, would just feel like an intrusion. i'd be like a cat on ice. literally. just super uncomfortable and exposed. i can't stand that. it feels like part of my aspergers - this need to be private. there's the social person (try to act normal) and the private person (secret and hidden under wraps). with 'close' friends, i generally am around them only for a couple hours at a time. that's it, without exception.
i feel some in the asd community are very very isolated, while most seem to be fairly or very social. i guess i'm asking the totally isolated ones for their input.
Totally relate to this , I have been out of a relationship since 2005 and when i was younger i always wondered why i was single ,
I never chased or dated girls at school ,The 1 girlfriend i did have did the chasing but the relationship never lasted .After school i was single until i was 23 but again she did the chasing but ended up giving up on me
During my assessments for diagnosis , relationships and sexual contact was a topic we discussed and found that i have very strange ideas how relationships work and never realised what caring for someone meant . also i hate being hugged but if i initiate the hug then i am fine with it ?.
Now i'm much older i see that my chances of being in a relationship very slim as people can see that i have issues and they just swipe left , I have tried dating sites but that has failed as i got blocked by 2 of them and never had any replies to my profile or messages i sent out . I tried to use special interests to meet people but again i just seem to melt away to the fringes .I tried tantra therapy which showed me what being mindful meant and left it at that .
Being the loner is a much easier place to be and i get asked if i get lonely , But i prefer my own company and solitude as the years have gone by , Learning what mindfulness meant has made this easier and i have stopped thinking about any relationships altogether.
i'm a loner by circumstances, and trying to learn, in my sixties, how to tolerate myself. i think a couple really good interests would be good - some people like to keep busy, i don't really. i like things that really interest me, problem is, i just havent found what that is. when the (rare) woman has been into me - i'm totally perplexed, and don't see why they would be, no matter how obvious they are. it just does not compute - i guess that's part of my asd... lack of empathy, lack of reading signs, lack of reading inflection, poor deciphering of spoken language, etc... bla bla bla.