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Should I seek a diagnosis?

VeeInTheVoid
over 3 years ago

Good Morning, I am new to this community and it's a pleasure to be here. After much hesitation, I decided to access this discussion page in hopes to connect with other likeminded people. I have been having an internal battle as of late about whether I should seek a diagnosis or not. For as far as I go back and think of myself growing up, I have always been and felt different from my peers. At school, I used to be picked on and bullied a lot because often times I did not understand the jokes or conversations that everyone was involved in; over time, I found myself being the child that other children would target and insult and their insults went beyond my head as I laughed along completely unaware that they were making a fool of me. I know for one that I was a slow bloomer, having taken much longer to develop than my fellow peers which could factor down to the facts that:

1. I had always been the youngest in the year, having been born at the end of August.

2. English was not my first language since I was the first child to an immigrant mother who taught me the only language that she knew.

As I slowly began to grow older and started going to school, I found myself in the extra support group with a couple of other kids. I never understood why I couldn't study with the other children in the classroom and why I was separated from learning the same things as them. Now, at 21 things haven't really changed much. I find it very difficult to make and maintain friends and friendships which is fuelled by my extreme anxiety. I avoid making and receiving calls at any and every cost because I find it very hard to start and keep a conversation flowing, I was recently accused of being 'short' when speaking with an acquaintance which was upsetting as I did not mean to come off as mean or uninterested, I just struggle when talking to other people and tend to keep to myself. I also recall a time when my parents forced me to make a phone call to a driving instructor, I ended up breaking down because that causes great distress but they keep putting it down as me being overly sensitive and unconfident. Earlier this year I started researching autism and symptoms of it and found that I relate to many of the symptoms which had me thinking that maybe I should ask for a diagnosis but when I tried to bring it up with my parents and asked them what I was like as a toddler growing up to gain more insight, they shut me down completely as to them, it is viewed as an abnormality and I am being 'oversensitive' yet again. I have felt very alone and I feel as though if I receive a diagnosis it will help as I would know and be aware of why I have never really fit in and can understand myself better. What would you suggest? Do you think that any of the things that I have mentioned about my experience growing up match symptoms of autism? Any advice or information about your experiences would be greatly appreciated as I am having a raging internal war inside my mind.