Published on 12, July, 2020
Just before I post at any length, could someone please let me know that I am writing this in the right place? I’d love to have contact with someone about my husband who I think is undiagnosed autistic. He may be Aspergic, I have no real idea. I just know that he has some behaviour which is extremely challenging for me and also quite antisocial at times. He presents to the world as a highly capable businessman, but at home he is often more childlike. He has tantrums and tempers. He has unusual aversions and equally unusual fixations. We’ve been together 35 years. I’m exhausted and frayed and he has no idea. He’s also fraught at times but that passes and he’s forgotten it. Id love to be in contact with anyone who has any understanding of such a situation
He presents to the world as a highly capable businessman, but at home he is often more childlike. He has tantrums and tempers. He has unusual aversions and equally unusual fixations.
Being autistic simply means our communication (and sometimes sensory needs) are different to the majority. My husband is autistic and he is nothing like your husband. He is a Director of an engineering dept and manages a large team of people. He is measured and thoughtful. If he is facing a stressful situation he does what is needed to manage his emotions in a grown up and healthily way, such as going for a run. Furthermore, if we face an issue we talk it through calmly and sensibly, plus we try and find a solution that works for us all.
Autistics all have similar traits but this is true of PNTs (non-autistics), for example, you tend to like small talk, crave social acceptance etc yet your personalities are all different and are affected by your socialisation, personal ethics etc. Within both communities, there are some kind and lovely folk but there are also some arseholes. Being autistic doesn't mean you can't also be a tw*t.
He is far from being a twat. His is ultra kind, to the point that he gives ‘the shirt off his back’ type of behaviour. I didn’t ask for insults for him. I just would like to chat about whether he might be autistic.
Please re-read my post, I haven't made any personal insults in relation to your husband and only used your own words when describing him. I explained that there are good and bad autistic individuals, in the same way, there are good and bad PNTs.
As I mentioned my husband is autistic (like I). My brother is autistic, my BIL, my father is and my husband's mum's OH is. In addition to this, I have spent ten years working with HE autistic students. I have met a lot of autistic men!
The following is not specific to the autistic neurotype. Only the OH of my husband's mums has many of these traits and he's a very unpleasant man who does not have the self-confidence to accept and embrace his differences and he's nasty and abusive,
In relation to the first four points, I've seen many men who are not autistic act like that. One example, would be a Saturday night in a deprived area, you'll often find PNT men demonstrating that behaviour,
In relation to whether your husband's interests would be classed as an autistic special interest, this depends on the level of intensity and passion he displays. For example, I am aware of an autistic lawyer whose special interest is her job. Her husband has to physically remove her from her office at times as otherwise, she'd be so engrossed in her work she'd forget to eat or sleep in an evening.
From what you've written there isn't enough information to guess whether he may or may not be autistic.
Why is it important for you to investigate why he is autistic or not? What difference do you think it would make if he was/or was not autistic?
Bet you’re a ‘millennial’ ♂️
Why ?
Why?
Why not?
Why bother?
why.....
Reason is the root of ALL EVIL!
Thank you. I’m glad of your further response. I haven’t written everything I want to as I wasn’t certain I was getting through. I can’t do it now for lack of time, but I will elucidate later. I would like to know if it is autism because I would then try harder to understand instead of thinking he’s just being a twat!