Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm Lulu. I'm 24 and struggling badly with suicide thoughts which I've had for so long it almost feels normal having them. But lately I'm thinking about it a lot more and feeling it more. It's a feeling like I want to do it soon and I'm feeling like I want to harm myself. I see windows and think of jumping out, I see knives and think of stabbing myself. I've also began thinking of planning to end everything. I'm not used to such severe and aggressive thoughts and feelings. I need some help but don't know who else to turn to... My mother is dead and my family don't understand or want me. My gp is no help either. I told her what was going on and she suggested pills but hasn't bothered to help me further. I feel like no one cares or wants to help me. I feel alone and like it's all going to be over for me soon.
Suicide is selfish and I don't want to be one of those people but I know my limitations and I know I'm nowhere near strong enough to deal with this myself but who can I turn to? I can't do this. Not alone. But no one around me cares or wants to help.
Please help me guys. I don't want it to end this way for me.
Hi Lulu ,
When my mother passed i never understood her role and what she did for me , Then after 6 months or so i could see she was my support network and i fell apart with the thoughts of ending it all , I was diagnosed with depression before the asd diagnosis and given tablets which can break the cycle but they are addictive , Gave them up by myself and started to keep fit , practice yoga ,learn guitar and go on walks early in the morning , Hobbies can be hit and miss but if you can find something you really enjoy go for it .
The pain you speak off is this being managed, as that can not be helping with the whole roller coaster of emotions .
Take time out for you , live in the now and if thoughts surface call the samaritans , I know that sounds like a repetitive phrase but they are in no way judgemental or biased and can give some useful advice where to get support local to you .
If that feels to daunting then don't worry i felt the same ,
It will get better over time xx, I have hope you will too as it can take a lot of courage to come on a open website and post your feelings and emotions.