Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm Lulu. I'm 24 and struggling badly with suicide thoughts which I've had for so long it almost feels normal having them. But lately I'm thinking about it a lot more and feeling it more. It's a feeling like I want to do it soon and I'm feeling like I want to harm myself. I see windows and think of jumping out, I see knives and think of stabbing myself. I've also began thinking of planning to end everything. I'm not used to such severe and aggressive thoughts and feelings. I need some help but don't know who else to turn to... My mother is dead and my family don't understand or want me. My gp is no help either. I told her what was going on and she suggested pills but hasn't bothered to help me further. I feel like no one cares or wants to help me. I feel alone and like it's all going to be over for me soon.
Suicide is selfish and I don't want to be one of those people but I know my limitations and I know I'm nowhere near strong enough to deal with this myself but who can I turn to? I can't do this. Not alone. But no one around me cares or wants to help.
Please help me guys. I don't want it to end this way for me.
Are you there Lulu?
Sorry I had connection problems.
I'm sorry you have been through this as well. It's horrible isn't it?
Lots of things upset me at the moment. My chronic pain and stress is upsetting and I lost my mum very recently which I feel might be the cause.
Losing my mum hit me like a ton of bricks.
I never appreciated having a mum until she was no longer fit to do anything. But, out of that grief, I ended up learning to do house chores myself.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't a Gorilla in a Miner's Hat carrying a Baseball Bat.