Hi I'm Lulu. I'm 24 and struggling badly with suicide thoughts which I've had for so long it almost feels normal having them. But lately I'm thinking about it a lot more and feeling it more. It's a feeling like I want to do it soon and I'm feeling like I want to harm myself. I see windows and think of jumping out, I see knives and think of stabbing myself. I've also began thinking of planning to end everything. I'm not used to such severe and aggressive thoughts and feelings. I need some help but don't know who else to turn to... My mother is dead and my family don't understand or want me. My gp is no help either. I told her what was going on and she suggested pills but hasn't bothered to help me further. I feel like no one cares or wants to help me. I feel alone and like it's all going to be over for me soon.
Suicide is selfish and I don't want to be one of those people but I know my limitations and I know I'm nowhere near strong enough to deal with this myself but who can I turn to? I can't do this. Not alone. But no one around me cares or wants to help.
Please help me guys. I don't want it to end this way for me.
Hi Lulu, I've been where you are. I have no family. A mother who if I told her I was suicidal would say 'oh really' and that would be all. My old GP again useless and 111. Please dont do anything, things will get better I promise
I would get thoughts constantly of jumping out of a window or hanging myself. I know now mine was the relationship I was in for years. Is there anything that you can pinpoint as to whats upsetting you?
Are you there Lulu?
Sorry I had connection problems.
I'm sorry you have been through this as well. It's horrible isn't it?
Lots of things upset me at the moment. My chronic pain and stress is upsetting and I lost my mum very recently which I feel might be the cause.
That must be awful to lose your mum, we're you close? Feel free to talk if you like.
Do you have hobbies or anything to keep you preoccupied?
I hate antidepressants but find diazepam helped every now and again when I needed it
I'm not sure if its the site or my Internet thats glitchy and slow. Im signing off but will check in tomorrow. I hope you get some rest, better days will come. Try reading or listening to podcasts. Theres so many podcasts to listen too. Call samaritans if your really down.
I hope we speak again soon
Losing my mum hit me like a ton of bricks.
I never appreciated having a mum until she was no longer fit to do anything. But, out of that grief, I ended up learning to do house chores myself.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't a Gorilla in a Miner's Hat carrying a Baseball Bat.
Hi Lulu ,
When my mother passed i never understood her role and what she did for me , Then after 6 months or so i could see she was my support network and i fell apart with the thoughts of ending it all , I was diagnosed with depression before the asd diagnosis and given tablets which can break the cycle but they are addictive , Gave them up by myself and started to keep fit , practice yoga ,learn guitar and go on walks early in the morning , Hobbies can be hit and miss but if you can find something you really enjoy go for it .
The pain you speak off is this being managed, as that can not be helping with the whole roller coaster of emotions .
Take time out for you , live in the now and if thoughts surface call the samaritans , I know that sounds like a repetitive phrase but they are in no way judgemental or biased and can give some useful advice where to get support local to you .
If that feels to daunting then don't worry i felt the same ,
It will get better over time xx, I have hope you will too as it can take a lot of courage to come on a open website and post your feelings and emotions.
I've found the text service SHOUT (85258) really helpful when the noise in my head gets so loud and convincing I need to reach out to a stranger to stop it.
I've had bad anxiety and body dysmorphia (due to being sensitive to the sensation of clothing) since I was a child and sometimes it gets too much. I don't want to worry close family, have no close friends, and hate phoning people so this works well for me when nothing else is working.
Maybe try it? It's a 24hr service
I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.
If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.
If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx
The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on firstname.lastname@example.org.
MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.
If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.
If you need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be emailed via webform https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx or they’re open Monday to Friday 10am-3pm (edited) on 0808 800 4104.
All the best,