Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone hit themselves or bite themselves when really distressed? I've suppressed this behaviour for a few years now but then I have recouring thoughts about doing it and I feel really overwhelmed. Anyone else do this? At the moment my mind loop is how the inlaws way over stepped boundaries which caused us catastrophic issues. I will never forgive what they have put us all through. My husband kept telling me I was wrong, I'd be confused and let them bsack in again. Its caused me so much issues I had 2 breakdowns. I no longer have contact with them, it was an ultimatum to my husband as I could take no more.
This was backed up professionally too, but the lasting damage is done. And every few months I have the battle in my head of what they done, why i didnt set firm boundaries. The mental abuse from them.
I've had counselling over the years. I'm just tired. My words are jumbled I cant say what I need to. Typing is a bit easier. My brains all mixed up because I'm suppressing hitting myself or hurting myself im sure it's making me more overwhelmed
Hi, I have periods of self harm which I won't describe but I am sure it is due to abuse from a family member as a child. I learned to hate myself and abuse myself.
I've never really figured out how much this has to do with autism, except that it's an outlet for neural processing,like a circuit breaker, that I seem to need.
I'm truly sorry for this. It's a horrible thing to battle with
I'm sorry i wrote such an abrupt comment, I was interrupted and someone was in the room. What I was going to say that it seems to have a role that can be comforting (but is a false comfort). So, if i am triggered by something or other, I don't know how to deal with the feeling, and I don't want to have a meltdown as it's not appropriate, and I maybe can't shut down, due to circumstances, so I self harm as it brings a "conclusion" of sorts to the pathway. It therefore brings a relief but it's not good for me because i never deal with it. For me , the autistic part is possibly the severity of alexithymia which could prevent me expressing myself in better ways, and the fact that I have learned limited ways out except meltdown, shutdown, self harm.
Exercise is a really good solution, but i have a job and a partner so I have to exercise at certain times which isn't necessarily the time I get triggered. When the lockdown eases , I hope to go swimming as it's also got a hypnotic kind of therapy that I find helpful.