Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone hit themselves or bite themselves when really distressed? I've suppressed this behaviour for a few years now but then I have recouring thoughts about doing it and I feel really overwhelmed. Anyone else do this? At the moment my mind loop is how the inlaws way over stepped boundaries which caused us catastrophic issues. I will never forgive what they have put us all through. My husband kept telling me I was wrong, I'd be confused and let them bsack in again. Its caused me so much issues I had 2 breakdowns. I no longer have contact with them, it was an ultimatum to my husband as I could take no more.
This was backed up professionally too, but the lasting damage is done. And every few months I have the battle in my head of what they done, why i didnt set firm boundaries. The mental abuse from them.
I've had counselling over the years. I'm just tired. My words are jumbled I cant say what I need to. Typing is a bit easier. My brains all mixed up because I'm suppressing hitting myself or hurting myself im sure it's making me more overwhelmed
Hi Mouse
You are exactly where I was a few years ago. I was trying so hard to be correct and perfect (because it's the right thing to do) that I just couldn't process the horrible ways people used and manipulated me - even when I begged them to stop - and they made out I was in the wrong!.
It causes me problems even today- I'd guess most people would class it a ptsd.
I immediately flashback to a Star Trek Next Gen episode where Data builds a daughter and they are both subjected to horrendous abuse that is all completely logical so they are forced to comply by their internal rules. Eventually, the daughter android self-destructs and he just has to be ok with it. Logic trap.
It's the same where you are forced to be abused by your in-laws by the person who should be protecting you from them. Been there, had that (in a work environment).
Try to be strong - the feelings eventually fade so they're less intrusive - time does heal if its allowed to.
The best I can do is send a virtual hug.
Thank you plastic. It brings self loathing, fear, hatred I put up with it and didn't know how to stand up for myself. Just ended up repeatedly hitting my wrist on the wall as couldnt bottle it up anymore :( it's been years now I still struggle so much. Feel trapped and lost