Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone hit themselves or bite themselves when really distressed? I've suppressed this behaviour for a few years now but then I have recouring thoughts about doing it and I feel really overwhelmed. Anyone else do this? At the moment my mind loop is how the inlaws way over stepped boundaries which caused us catastrophic issues. I will never forgive what they have put us all through. My husband kept telling me I was wrong, I'd be confused and let them bsack in again. Its caused me so much issues I had 2 breakdowns. I no longer have contact with them, it was an ultimatum to my husband as I could take no more.
This was backed up professionally too, but the lasting damage is done. And every few months I have the battle in my head of what they done, why i didnt set firm boundaries. The mental abuse from them.
I've had counselling over the years. I'm just tired. My words are jumbled I cant say what I need to. Typing is a bit easier. My brains all mixed up because I'm suppressing hitting myself or hurting myself im sure it's making me more overwhelmed
Hi Mouse
You are exactly where I was a few years ago. I was trying so hard to be correct and perfect (because it's the right thing to do) that I just couldn't process the horrible ways people used and manipulated me - even when I begged them to stop - and they made out I was in the wrong!.
It causes me problems even today- I'd guess most people would class it a ptsd.
I immediately flashback to a Star Trek Next Gen episode where Data builds a daughter and they are both subjected to horrendous abuse that is all completely logical so they are forced to comply by their internal rules. Eventually, the daughter android self-destructs and he just has to be ok with it. Logic trap.
It's the same where you are forced to be abused by your in-laws by the person who should be protecting you from them. Been there, had that (in a work environment).
Try to be strong - the feelings eventually fade so they're less intrusive - time does heal if its allowed to.
The best I can do is send a virtual hug.
Do you think it's an ASD thing to not know how to stop things or just me being stupid and weak? I'd ask them to stop I'd tell my husband. They all say it's in my head, I'm too sensitive etc etc I know from counselling it wasent and it was terrible treatment
Thank you plastic. It brings self loathing, fear, hatred I put up with it and didn't know how to stand up for myself. Just ended up repeatedly hitting my wrist on the wall as couldnt bottle it up anymore :( it's been years now I still struggle so much. Feel trapped and lost