Difference or Personality?

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  • I laughed when i saw your comment, because that's exactly what I thought (me, not you).  I had my assessment, then at the end she said it would take some weeks before I got the result. 

    I started to get upset.

    She said, "what's wrong?"

    I said "what if I have done all this just to find out I'm just a weirdo with annoying habits and a LOSER! And get confirmed it IN WRITING!"

    but she said, don't worry, if you come out borderline it will explain all the things that are close to the border and anything across different spectrum traits and it will be done sensitively, eg. noting the severity of anxiety in your daily life. 

    In the end I landed squarely in what used to be called Asperger's, with borderline  OCD and PDA.

  • Racoon, if you're asking these questions about fitting in, you probably do need to get some ideas from people.

    What I say about positive thoughts is not an easy one, problem with that approach is that you sometimes get discouraged by people taking advantage of you, but the results are better in the long run. Having a negative approach to situations always gets you negative results, that becomes comfortable after a while, and that's when it gets really sad. 

  • .. what a lovely thing to say .. thank you x

  • I like the way you write, positive, clear and honest.

  • Hi, Racoon (great name and profile pic, by the way). I'm currently waiting for my autism assessment. I decided to go for an official diagnosis because I want to get to know myself better. I'm sure my brain is wired differently, because I just naturally perceive the world differently to most people. For example, my brain can be very literal - I wouldn't say that's a personality trait, because it's not something I can change. Some of my traits are just personality traits, although it can be hard to tell which traits are down to your natural brain wiring and which are related to personality/upbringing.

    I think I rambled there, but I guess I'm trying to say that we all have a mixture of traits, some linked to our brain wiring, others not. It might be worth looking into the concept of 'masking' (Purple Ella and YoSamdySam have both made YouTube videos about this). Masking is something that many of us do (often without realising it) to try and fit in better, but it can often exhaust us and have an impact on our mental health. I'm trying to mask less and be myself more. It's tricky, but I'm working on it Slight smile

  • .. it is interesting that I have come to an acceptance of who I am .. for soooooo long the opposite was true...

    .. and coming on this forum continues to be good for me because I'm able to describe my real feelings - and compare notes with others .. 

    .. your question about whether I have a blog is a huge compliment .. wow .. can you imagine what that does to my self-esteem just being asked the question :-)  .. yes, I've thought about it - but I've never 'come out' as an Aspie and I wonder if I could remain anonymous ..  I've travelled a lot and that set of solo journeys has been pivotal in giving me the space to figure out my place in the world (and I'm happy to admit that I'm still working on it :-) ..

    .. in all of my 50 something years I've faced social & work & relationship challenges which I now realise as very typical of AS and ASD folk.  Maybe recalling my angst at the time and revisiting the situations with what I know now would be cathartic for me and possibly of interest / use to some others?

    .. I recently read "Keep Clear: My Adventures with Aspergers" by Tom Cutler. The format of that book was sort of auto-biographical. I found reading it very helpful to me because I could see many similarities with his life journey and my own.

    .. I'm not sure that anything I wrote would be any more useful to anyone than that book - and yet different stories and observations would appeal to different people perhaps.

    .. hope you stick around and chat some more .. I reckon each of us telling our stories is good for both writer and reader x

  • At the moment I’m dissecting everything about myself even though it’s bad for my mental health. But I don’t know how to stop doing that. Constantly analysing my own behaviour and thoughts.

     Who I am? Who would I be without anxiety? Who would I be without this or that trait? How would I behave? Which part of me are changeable and which are not? Which parts makes “me” and should be embraced and which parts should be discarded? 

    I’m telling myself that I just want to live to my full potential, be a better person but maybe it’s just some low self esteem issue and deep down I just think of myself as worse and broken and that’s why I want to change myself? 

    Because instead of accepting myself, even the worse parts of me, I still want to find out what is “wrong” with me so I could blame this part of me for anything I feel is not “right” and despise it and try to discard it. 

    To become this happy perfect human being, loved and respected by everybody, brave and wise and pure. Ideal human being that can’t really exist.

  • Everybody keeps telling me the wheels on my car are square and not round, but I'm also getting there, what are they talking about?

    I would advise a proper diagnose, but don't overlook the necessity for follow-up by a psychologist. It works miracles with me, just somebody to tell me often that I see two options, but there is also a third option that I might look into. 

    Don't try to fit, feel worthy, accept yourself, like yourself, take enough rest, don't waste energy trying to please people. 

    Self-acceptance is also very important, and very hard to do. It is what it is. I look at the president of the USA and think: my children are a lot better behaved and kinder people, my wife does hold my hand when we go places, … that kind of stuff, … 

    Also, I used to be a magnet for negative people, see if you shouldn't break with some. I broke contact with my brother-in-law, when I spent a day with my sister and him, I didn't sleep well, he kind of messed with my brain. Now I have energy in stead to meet up with an old colleague now and then, we have a meal in a restaurant, and after talking to him I feel good and sleep well. We talk about the nerdy stuff like latest Star Wars, … 

    I think the curse of autism is that when you have a problem to fix, you see really all options, even illegal or straight immoral ones, I think NT-people don't have this, some things just don't cross their minds, kind of a filter. 

  • We're all different ..
    We all have strengths and less strong bits ..
    .. and we're all human and worthwhile and deserving of love and peace and shelter ..

    Happily there's a mix of personalities/differences/abilities/whatever within our wider community .. everyone is needed .. everyone has a role to play ..

    When I found that I have the gift of Aspergers I was frankly terrified .. now, I'm ok with it .. yes, I'm wired differently .. yes, a lot of the time in the NT world I just don't fit in .. but I've decided to just keep on going ..

    I believe there's a contribution I can make .. that there's fun for me to have .. that there are things for me to keep learning about ..

    .. and that's enough ..

    I'm happy to chat with anyone about my experiences and listen to yours .. including on the phone if that might be useful ..

    .. and tomorrow is another day :-)

  • This is my concern AFTER I get a diagnosis. Just started the process by being referred by my GP, and I worry that after completion they just say to me that I'm an arsehole! Then what?!