Sudden and unexplained loss of church support that had been consistent for the past two years. How to cope?

Hi all, I've recently been diagnosed with autism, which has helped make sense of much of my life.

However, the rector of my C of E parish church of 2 years, St George the Martyr Southwark, has recently conveyed at the start of March through the Diocese Safeguarding that he is no longer willing to support me in any way, in conversation, in prayer, in blessing (this was about 2 weeks before Covid measures here and has nothing to do with Covid). This led me to attempt to kill myself because I just couldn't cope.

This came as a complete shock to me as immediately up to that point of complete withdrawal, he'd consistently supported me for two years in weekly pastoral meetings, in being available for conversation, prayer and blessing after services and even phone-calls when I'm overwhelmed (as he still does for others). I've since learnt from a meeting with the Diocese that he'd been in constant 'confidential' meetings with the Diocese about being no longer 'able' to support me, despite my needs being non-confrontational and non-violent, even as he reassured me of his commitment to "walk with you always" and "I just wanted to repeat my willingness to support you", in speech and in writing as recently as late February. Now that I'm not allowed to contact him in any form, I'm not just unable to learn why he's done this to me but have been utterly depressed about being excluded from the same level of pastoral and spiritual care he still gives others, not just those with physical health needs but even ordinary people. The worst part is that because of Covid, he is now offering church members remote pastoral support by phone. Because I'm still on their mailing list (because by church law I'm still on their electoral roll), I got the email detailing this new measure of support by phone. However, when I tried to clarify this, I got an email from the Diocese expressly stating that this measure still excludes me, and that this offer of pastoral support is given freely to everyone else who have been worshipping at St George's with the specific exception of me. (Anyway, I later found out through someone who took me out for lunch after this happened and helped me process things a bit that this priest is just someone that I should never have trusted. I didn't know this because I never got involved with church management but apparently he's known to those involved in the church's management for constantly changing his ideas and behaviour, breaking promises and saying different things to different people, someone I should never have called a priest. But what's done is done.)

After learning about my autism diagnosis while in hospital from my suicide attempt, I've since tried to look up how to cope with a change as sudden and devastating as this (sudden, complete and inexplicable withdrawal of two years of consistent, reliable trust and support!). I read that I should find a 'new normal' as soon as possible but with Covid this is impossible as I can't get to know a new church and clergy because churches are closed.

Can anyone help me? It's so painful being surrounded by memorabilia (photos, confirmation cards, books) of my time at St George's, particularly that priest's support, knowing all that's come to an abrupt and inexplicable end but at the same time removing them would only make it worse by their noticeable absence. I'd appreciate any tips you can give. Every day I'm just fighting for the will to live. I really can't deal with something so abrupt and inexplicable as this. If it helps with your advice and tips, I have a further, older diagnosis of EUPD (the new term for BPD).

Parents
  • Have you contacted your priests' boss?  By that I mean the bishop for Southwark.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Chessun

    Might be worth sending him a letter asking why you have been excluded after receiving a autism diagnosis.  If that doesnt achieve anything I would go straight to sending a letter to the Archbishop of Canterbury, maybe cc the letter to the Bishop of Southwark, and the Priest that shunned you.  Then see what happens.  if you cant get anything out of it, try a different church in a different area and tell them nothing about the current situation.  Basically move on.  You may never get the same level of support from them, but I'll bet there are churches out there that would welcome you with open arms.

    FTR I am Catholic and not Anglican.  So take this advice with a pinch of salt.  I know how to navigate the Cathloic church, but dont have as much experience doing the same within the Anglican church.

  • I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. In my congregation we are having our meetings by Zoom so we can all still worship ‘together’. It is really nice. I am also getting a personal encouragement meeting on Monday from the elders to help with some anxiety and depression that’s been overwhelming lately. I believe that will be FaceTime or something like that. I really appreciate their efforts to continue support when unable to meet in person. I suggest going to JW.org for you. There are many great articles on mental health and coping with anxiety as well as biblical explanations for the kinds if things we see happening in the world around us these days. 

    Ive found them very encouraging and calming. You can also fill in a contact form online if you want someone to talk to more about anything. You are welcome to contact me as well, if you want. I’m not diagnosed yet. This isolation is putting off my assessment, but I get what it’s like to be an autistic religious person so there’s a connection there. Slight smile

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  • I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. In my congregation we are having our meetings by Zoom so we can all still worship ‘together’. It is really nice. I am also getting a personal encouragement meeting on Monday from the elders to help with some anxiety and depression that’s been overwhelming lately. I believe that will be FaceTime or something like that. I really appreciate their efforts to continue support when unable to meet in person. I suggest going to JW.org for you. There are many great articles on mental health and coping with anxiety as well as biblical explanations for the kinds if things we see happening in the world around us these days. 

    Ive found them very encouraging and calming. You can also fill in a contact form online if you want someone to talk to more about anything. You are welcome to contact me as well, if you want. I’m not diagnosed yet. This isolation is putting off my assessment, but I get what it’s like to be an autistic religious person so there’s a connection there. Slight smile

Children