Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all.
I am struggling with everything at the moment. Life is hard, I mean I know it is harder for others but I am finding it increasingly difficult to even function. I yet to lose my job but my boss has given me this week off to clear my head. She knows I have autism and is supportive but I am afraid sooner or later she will fire me. At work I get things wrong and in my job mistakes are unacceptable!
At home there is little improvement. I am full of stress and unable to do the things I normally like to do. My friends try to help me but I am tired all the time and suffering from mood swings and find myself snapping at my family. I am also irritable most days which is unusual for me because usually I am level headed and calm.
I do have a lot on my mind but normally I power through any concerns I have but lately I am unable to control my thoughts and they become worries and then I become stressed. Terrific.
I was hoping after a last year, I made good improvements to my life and autism that two thousand and twenty would be another year of improvements but so far I feel like I am trapped in a car and it is stuck in reverse. *sighs*.
I am hoping that the winds will change soon and I will go forward again and start to make progress and improvements with my life and autism.
How are things with all of you? I hope you are all well and having a nice day at present.
ClaireBear.
Magician > Thank you. I am going to take this week off and hope that I start to feel more like my usual self before the weekend.
Hi Claire
What you describe often happens to me as well.
I think it’s just the mask of having to blend in falling away.
Take the time and have a few pj days. Then start to rebuild again (it’s what I do.) Then for the remainder of your time off, do something you like doing. Slowly increase your activity rate and hopefully, you can view things with a clearer mind.
Plectrum > Not pushy at all. I like how motivated you are to get back to a good place and I wish you all the success for that.
I want that as well but I am dealing with multiple health problems as well such as PTSD and Psychosis which I think has flared up which is why I am feeling like a washed up bag at the moment.
But soon I will be back to the old me so I just have to wait it out.
Sure, I'm sorry if I sounded pushy! Just post logon-euphoria I think :-)
Plectrum > I am sorry to hear you are feeling the same way.
I hope you can move forward with your life and get to the place you want to be. I have tried that, everything I could think of but I think for now I need to wait for the autism to calm down. I have a therapist who I see from time to time so if I am still feeling like this on Thursday I will give her a call.
Hello ClaireBear,
I'm new here but your post resonates with me - the part about the car being in reverse especially. I keep thinking lately, "get a grip on yourself", but I can't. The things that are on my mind become monsters. Then i feel as thought I fail, and the failure becomes a new monster. Then , great! 2 monsters. things have gone downhill a lot for me in the last ½ a year.
Maybe we can both try and set our sails so that we don't need to wait for the wind. A yacht can sail into the wind by zig-zagging (tacking) from side to side.
I'm going to try to Zig today. Tomorrow I'll try to Zag. Maybe you feel like joining in. I wish you the best and a nice day too.