Scared and don't trust anyone

I have got into money problems because I hate filling in forms and paperwork in general, now I am going to get fines and repayment delays and letters written in big red font. 

Where I live, the official letters forms are not in English and I have just pretended they didn't exist because there are formal words I don't understand. I

I'm really scared and I can't sleep or eat properly. I'm so afraid I will lose my job and my home. I don't trust anyone, because they might hear my poor local language and scam me out of all my money. 

Parents

  • I have got into money problems because I hate filling in forms and paperwork in general, now I am going to get fines and repayment delays and letters written in big red font. 

    I get hung up with filling forms in myself, but it is just a case of getting them filled in one at a time by yourself or by way of hired help and thereafter copying them except for relevant changes such as dates and stuff when it is time to do so again.

    'One of the none to pleasant curses with autism's blessings is that each new venture or even further ventures can involve some panic, which often this panic has more to do with previous situations rather than present ones, so keep that in mind and resist the past sabotaging the present and therefore the future. Breath deeply and gently as if you lungs are in your pelvis and each breath in sucks your feet to the floor and each breath out roots your feet to the floor, breath away the tension of the anxiety, do not allow it to overrule you. Pace yourself, one form at a time, one section at a time, either you can do this yourself or can find someone to help you if not here, someone else nearer to you.  


    Where I live, the official letters forms are not in English and I have just pretended they didn't exist because there are formal words I don't understand.

    Sort the backlog of letters into piles and deal with each one in turn by using copies or a pad of paper in case of mistakes and once done fill in the form with pencil first for erasing if necessary and ink finally.

    .

    When one form is done do the next one, and so on until all are in their respective envelops and ready and waiting for delivery.

    .

    In terms of formal words you do not understand, can you not use Google translate or similar perhaps?


    I'm really scared and I can't sleep or eat properly. I'm so afraid I will lose my job and my home. I don't trust anyone, because they might hear my poor local language and scam me out of all my money. 

    If you are though overwhelmed with panic, and cannot get past it ~ do you have perhaps a consulate you can visit; or can you not go to a local or regional authority to seek advice concerning qualified reputable assistance?

    .

    You may as well spend out on a qualified reputable assistant rather than losing out to your anxiety and having inaction scamming you out of all your money.

    .

    How many sets of forms do you have to fill in currently?


  • Thanks for your advice so far.  You really live up to your username !    I  know it is a matter of knuckling down to it, but I get consumed by anxiety and sometimes hyperventilate when I have to read a letter or update something.

    I called the local authority but due to cost cutting I am not allowed to request a meeting.  They are based miles away on another island and I can only have a meeting if they request it. I have to communicate by phone which I struggle with due to Aspergers and language difficulties.  Last time I called them, I panicked and cried. 

    It's a good idea with the consulate.  They provide a list of lawyers which seem a bit stuffy, and really expensive, but I didn't think of the actual consulate staff.

    There are some other expats at my work, but they are all here on temporary contracts so they don't intend to settle , and therefore don't have the same challenges. 

    When I see all the types of help that are available  in the UK, my heart longs to come back and live there but it's not possible in the short to medium term.  The UK is the most fantastic country. There are help forums and charities for everything. There are so many kind people and social groups and clubs.  There is nothing like that here.  

    When I was in UK, I was organised with my paperwork and finances.   

    I guess I just felt lonely and desperate here and all the weight is on my shoulders.  

Reply
  • Thanks for your advice so far.  You really live up to your username !    I  know it is a matter of knuckling down to it, but I get consumed by anxiety and sometimes hyperventilate when I have to read a letter or update something.

    I called the local authority but due to cost cutting I am not allowed to request a meeting.  They are based miles away on another island and I can only have a meeting if they request it. I have to communicate by phone which I struggle with due to Aspergers and language difficulties.  Last time I called them, I panicked and cried. 

    It's a good idea with the consulate.  They provide a list of lawyers which seem a bit stuffy, and really expensive, but I didn't think of the actual consulate staff.

    There are some other expats at my work, but they are all here on temporary contracts so they don't intend to settle , and therefore don't have the same challenges. 

    When I see all the types of help that are available  in the UK, my heart longs to come back and live there but it's not possible in the short to medium term.  The UK is the most fantastic country. There are help forums and charities for everything. There are so many kind people and social groups and clubs.  There is nothing like that here.  

    When I was in UK, I was organised with my paperwork and finances.   

    I guess I just felt lonely and desperate here and all the weight is on my shoulders.  

Children

  • Thanks for your advice so far.

    I am really glad to have been of some assistance.


    You really live up to your username !

    Normally that entails people not liking the answer which is not in most cases 42, but hey hoe! ;-)


    I  know it is a matter of knuckling down to it, but I get consumed by anxiety and sometimes hyperventilate when I have to read a letter or update something.

    You and me both although I do not hyperventilate anymore what with doing the suggested breathing exercise twenty four seven, but I do do hypertension though and when I am stressed I have seizures of the small scale variety mostly.

    I am presently managing the stress and pacing myself on doing some letters and forms myself currently ~ which I will be so glad to get off in the next month or so. Fortunately there is no pressure to complete them until about June, but having them off by March will be a major hypertensive load off my body-mind relationship, so I am fairly well motivated and feeling good about getting them done too.


    I called the local authority but due to cost cutting I am not allowed to request a meeting.  They are based miles away on another island and I can only have a meeting if they request it. I have to communicate by phone which I struggle with due to Aspergers and language difficulties.  Last time I called them, I panicked and cried.

    It is bad enough in English with communication glitches but in another language I can relate by way of a foreign Aspie friend who when tired or fragged has trouble translating, and although her English is very fluent, allowances have to be and are gladly made by me. I love listening to foreign languages myself anyway. Busy officials might not be so accommodating but you might find otherwise just possibly.

    Is letter writing and a written translation service or app not an option perhaps to get past some of the form filling and telephone problems maybe?


    It's a good idea with the consulate.  They provide a list of lawyers which seem a bit stuffy, and really expensive, but I didn't think of the actual consulate staff.

    However stuffy and expensive lawyers may be, doing away with the stress might actually be worth it in terms of employing someone. Maybe budget for it in the future and relax, eat and sleep more as a matter of good health and staying healthy. And consulate staff are generally quite involved with business types and officials so they might well be able to signpost you or even know of someone in particular that could help you.


    There are some other expats at my work, but they are all here on temporary contracts so they don't intend to settle , and therefore don't have the same challenges. 

    Be careful maybe that you are not all classic factor ten autistically isolating yourself, i.e. all panicked in a catastrophic temporary delusion and missing the bigger picture that includes the aspiration or assistance you need. You can suss this out one way or another by either doing it yourself or getting someone else to do it for you. Either way breath deeply and gently, and get it all sorted as it is in your power to do so.


    When I see all the types of help that are available  in the UK, my heart longs to come back and live there but it's not possible in the short to medium term.  The UK is the most fantastic country. There are help forums and charities for everything. There are so many kind people and social groups and clubs.  There is nothing like that here. 

    There will definitely be someone who will help you fill out those forms correctly, every culture in society has people who love doing data admin correctly for others.


    When I was in UK, I was organised with my paperwork and finances.   

    I keep on getting the notion that you might need a translator, what with you having been able to do all the paperwork in English before. I mean if you got the questions on the forms translated into English and your answers into the language in question to copy onto the forms, you could improve both your understanding and comprehension of that language by so doing also.


    I guess I just felt lonely and desperate here and all the weight is on my shoulders.  

    Well hopefully you will not be feeling so lonely and desperate with us lot supporting you, and with a bit of luck the consulate types will have you on the way to some trustworthy assistance all in short order.

    Definitely though in the future consider budgeting for some help so that you are not left with all the weight of this being left on your shoulders again, and that should apply for the budgeting too methinks! 


  • He says he can't because he don't know much more than me. He is some years younger, and has not owned a house before, whereas I have been through everything in life, divorce, moving house, paying bills, dealing with the death of one of my parents.  I have to do it because it's me that has a complicated past.  But all that was in UK.   My husband doesn't know either how to navigate all the official and financial terms.  And he promises something and doesn't do it, which for an Aspie like me is like a red rag to the bull.  He is also away travelling with work and busy socialising and going to the gym. 

    In UK I would know exactly what to do. 

  • You mentioned once before ,that you have a husband!  Can he not assist you?