Don’t have any friends

Just wondering if anyone else doesn’t have any friends at all or is that just me?

Parents
  • I'm the same. There are people I know (acquaintances) and colleagues, but on the rare occasions when I got the chance to get a friend, they wanted the friendship to be full of social activities that make me feel mentally choked and suffocated, or the masking needed to spend time with them was just exhausting, because they wanted me to meet their other friends.  I got terrified and pushed them away, I can't let people get too close and I can't accept invitations or hang out without knowing exactly what's going to happen.  Then there are the awkward silences. 

    There were 2 chances in the last 10 years to make a close friend this way. 

    On weekdays I don't mind being isolated, but it's lonely at the weekends sometimes. Sometimes I go all day without speaking out loud. 

Reply
  • I'm the same. There are people I know (acquaintances) and colleagues, but on the rare occasions when I got the chance to get a friend, they wanted the friendship to be full of social activities that make me feel mentally choked and suffocated, or the masking needed to spend time with them was just exhausting, because they wanted me to meet their other friends.  I got terrified and pushed them away, I can't let people get too close and I can't accept invitations or hang out without knowing exactly what's going to happen.  Then there are the awkward silences. 

    There were 2 chances in the last 10 years to make a close friend this way. 

    On weekdays I don't mind being isolated, but it's lonely at the weekends sometimes. Sometimes I go all day without speaking out loud. 

Children
  • There are people I know (acquaintances) and colleagues

    Same with me.

    on the rare occasions when I got the chance to get a friend, they wanted the friendship to be full of social activities that make me feel mentally choked and suffocated, or the masking needed to spend time with them was just exhausting, because they wanted me to meet their other friends.

    Oh, snap! It is completely exhausting, and I never understand their need to turn it into a group thing.

    I can't accept invitations or hang out without knowing exactly what's going to happen.

    Freaks me out too. As others have said, it's exhausting just going to a new place with a new person, let alone all the 'surprises' that happen once you get there.

  • I also need to know exactly what’s going to happen. Lots of people prefer spontaneity it seems and since I don’t fit with that I get rejected. When I ask people what’s going to happen or what exactly we’ll be doing they don’t want to tell me. It’s like events are like some game that has to be a secret to make it exciting. The problem is I find it so difficult to just go somewhere or do something without knowing exactly what’s involved.

    Yes what they expect is exhausting. It takes me hours or days just to recover from a party.

    I have certain things I like to do but a variety of different activities in a short amount of time is too much for me.

    People should be more charitable and learn the wisdom to be more understanding then those of us who need friends would be able to have friends.

    I never know when I could make a close friend. I just don’t know how other people are thinking a lot of the time. 

  • I went to a mental health support group once and was friendly with the only other person who turned up. We swapped phone numbers and it seemed like I had make a friend. She invited me to the pub for a drink a few days later. I went and then to my horror when we got there people called out to her from two different tables, and she started chatting with them across from our table. So there were kind of three conversations going on at once: her and me, her and another table, her and yet another table. And the confusion of it all, not knowing who I should speak to, or what to say to these strangers, made me terrified. 

    That traumatised me and made me more cautious about meeting new people. I've had some other experiences like that. Different but similar too, where getting to know someone leads to very quickly being pulled into a massive social circle, and you don't know if you're part of it or not, or liked by the people or not, or what makes them tick.