My girlfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years, we are engaged and in December she was diagnosed with autism, high-functioning. She was 28 at time of diagnosis which hasn’t helped.
I am a ‘neurotypical’ and I am trying to understand why she does certain things and sometimes I know I don’t react in the best way I possibly could, which is why I am turning to this site, in hope that there may be other partners out there that have coping strategies or can just help me to be better for her because currently it is quite lonely and sad and I feel like I’m suffocating a bit. It’s a heavy weight.
I am reading ‘An Adult with an Autism Diagnosis’ by Gillian Drew in an attempt to be more understanding.
I work away quite a bit as a Tour Manager, for musicians, which can make coping more difficult. For both of us. In August, I will be travelling around America for almost 7 weeks. Currently, I have been in Scotland for just ONE week and we have had an ‘autistic incident’. I don’t know how to refer to it, so apologies if I offend anyone.
Emotions when touring are tenfold.
Also, sometimes, when I return from a tour; it feels like I’m out of her routine a bit and she needs to readjust to my being there, which can be upsetting.
If there are any books to be recommended, or other sites, I’d be truly grateful.
Thank you in advance.
If you want to spend the rest of your life with her you just have to learn to handle her. If you don't want to it's better to say so now.
You overlooked one tiny detail: love. Love is irrational and follows no logic. Love doesn't care how your brain is wired up.
I'd be devastated to think my partner simply has to put up with me for the rest of her life! There's so much negativity in books and online about NT/AS relationships but it's not all like that. At all. It's down to the person with AS to research and find about the NT's world just as much. I've really enjoyed finding things out about my partner I simply would never have known or understood before. We're stepping into each other's worlds and it's truly fascinating to me! I've learnt so much and I'm not only applying it to our relationship but to the wider world too: my children, work, social gatherings etc etc
I wouldn’t have joined this site, be asking for help and advice, learning more and more about her, if I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with her.