Do you ever feel guilty?

Do you ever feel guilty because of your behaviour due to your autism? I'm not really thinking extreme behaviour, more the little things.

I'm asking this because the other day I saw my parents for the first time in a while. I spent the whole time I saw them waffling on about myself and things I wanted to talk about. Afterwards I realised that it hadn't occurred to me to ask them how they were or what they'd been doing. I felt a bit bad when I realised this. I don't want them to think I don't care. I feel quite selfish when this happens but its not because I don't care about them and their lives. It just never occurred to me to ask and I find conversations about other people hard to keep going.

Do other people have situations like this and then feel guilty?

  • Hi Martian Tom why ask such questions and change your user name?

  • I don’t think I’ve ever done anything intentionally to hurt somebody, I’m not sure I’d know how to, lol,

    Really?

    So this wasn't intentional....

    BlueRay said

    Go and ask your mummy what a bully is. Oh, I forgot, you can’t, she’s dead! Lol! 

  • It’s always unintentional, I don’t think I’ve ever done anything intentionally to hurt somebody, I’m not sure I’d know how to, lol, but I still say sorry, it’s like when I bump into somebody by accident, not just the lamppost, I always say sorry Joy 

  • So if you find yourself apologising to someone, is it usually because you've done something unintentionally?

  • Oh god no, I still apologise, a lot, lol, I might not indulge and bathe in feelings of guilt, but I’m still a total weirdo so I still manage to do things to upset or confuse people ~ but then again, I apologize to a lamp post if I bump into it so maybe I’m just a serial apologiser JoyJoyJoy

  • I suppose one of the main benefits of never feeling guilty about anything is that there is never any need to apologise about anything.

  • Her (my doctor) term was she would send him a ‘nice letter’ and she assured me that if I promised (she made me do this 3 times Shrug tone1‍) that I would turn up when he sends for me and   tell him what I told her, she promised me he would give me the meds. I’m not on a waiting list, she has asked him to see me as a sort of doctors favour. I won’t take up much of his time, so he could see me in his tea break, and I’m not opposed to an assessment but I want the meds first. I wanted her to give me the meds, but she reckons (I didn’t believe her) that she couldn’t but I wasn’t going to leave that surgery without them, although I did, in the end, so although I don’t usually compromise, I did on this occasion because she said I wouldn’t have to wait too long and to be fair, I was happy to have some time before I get them as I wanted to try the headphones and a few other things as well, before I started with the meds. So although it looked like a compromise, it wasn’t really because the wait was much better for me. I could do with them today though, lol, to help me do some course work! 

  • Yes, please let me know how you get on. I only know about Ritalin as it was given to me by somebody who takes it. It worked for about 6 hours, I think it was, which was perfect for me and they had such a profound effect, that I’ll definitely go for that, but like I said, I don’t know about the others.  I only want to use them when I really need to, which I’m hoping, with all the other things I’m doing, won’t be too often. 

    I recently got noise cancelling headphones, after somebody on here said they helped them with concentration related to adhd. I went right out and bought some after I read that and they’ve been amazing, in several ways. 

    I haven’t learned too much about adhd yet as I’ve been coming to terms with the autism diagnosis and figuring that out, so any updates you can give on how you get on with the meds or anything else would be really great, or if you have any good info to share on it. 

    I’m not ready to dive in deep to learning about it yet, that’s another reason why I wanted the meds, I want to get through my current phase and then start looking into how I can super charge my adhd and make it work for me. I hope you hit the jack pot first time with the meds ;) you sound like you know what you need and what you’re doing. 

  • Going back to what was said to yo regarding "skipping" the assessment process-mmm, not sure about that, In my case I was extremely lucky getting mine so quickly-there had been cancellations so they could fit me in. the normal wait i was informed was around 18 months from referral. I cannot imagine the circumstances under which they would move an individual so far up the waiting list but they would have to be pretty compelling and as we on the ASD/ADHD spectrum have proved ourselves to be a resilient bunch of people I don't think that the rules are broken on our behalf very often. 

  • I did start an earlier reply but I tapped on the wrong key and it all just disappeared.

    I am not on any Med's yet-my appointment to decide which ones I should try is next Tuesday in Guildford. It will be with the same Doctor who gave me my ADD assessment, when I first spoke to him he gave me a choice of three which were Ritalin, Dexamphetamine or Atomoxetine, The Ritalin seems a bit tame and the Atomoxetine too risky from the side-effects point of view so I am going to ask that I get the Dexamphetamine. I'll let you know how I get on with it-I'm confidently expecting a Superman-type transformation! Um, not really! I am looking for a radical change though and will not stop until I find the one that works the best for me enabling me to use rather more than what feels like the 5-10% of brain capacity I am currently running on. 

  • WoW you can function in a burnout Open mouth that has just sent my mind into a total spin and I’m now wondering what a burnout actually is? I thought I was in a burnout, but I haven’t been able to function for over two years, so maybe mine isn’t a burnout, maybe  mine’s  a breakdown. It certainly feels like a breakdown but I was told it was a burn out Shrug tone1‍ anyway, it’s very impressive that you can function during anything like a burnout, but then again, you have a very impressive life. 

    Your job sounds amazing, and I doubt very much that I would want to give that up and certainly not because of one individual. It uses your knowledge, skills, experience, intelligence, abilities AND it’s both rewarding and you thoroughly enjoy the job and enjoy working with your colleagues and the whole network, you enjoy the camaraderie, banter and there’s a lot of respect #lifegoals

    I think all of us on here are drooling right now over your job Joy It’s like the perfect job, it really couldn’t get better than that so I agree with you 100%, don’t walk away from that. 

    It sounds like you’ve also got a great life with lots of friends and hobbies and you’ve been able to create the elusive balance, that we are all craving or working for, with time out as well. 

    You've got this Ok hand tone3 It can’t have been easy  to create such a wonderful and balanced life. It’s certainly a testament to what you’re made of so I feel sure you’ll get through this unsettling time and come out of it better than ever and hopefully your bosses will have more of an understanding of how they can make work life better for you so you can do even better for them. 

    You’ve inspired me and lifted my spirits to the point where I’m actually going to go out now and do my first (for a long time) morning walk, which I’ve been contemplating for the last 3 hours See no evil ~ thank you Pray tone3 and I wish you all the best with what’s happening. It sounds like you’ve got a job worth fighting for and I trust you will get all the support you need to get this sorted and get you back where you belong.

  • Former Member - first chance I have had to reply but I'm in another time zone at present.  Anyway, at work, doing everything I do best based on my knowledge, skills, experience, intelligence and abilities is great, rewarding and I thoroughly enjoy the colleagues/network and camaraderie/banter/respect.  

    Since the bullying damager has turned everything upside down without having an ounce of empathy, deaf as a post and not getting what I need to perform then perhaps you are right I should leave/get a new job.

    Talk is easy, with the limited options (and possibly being blocked by the bully) currently available, until Equality Act 2010/Company policies followed then I will stay put.  Why you may ask? For real financial reasons going forward and I have the vision to see the way ahead.

    I am now on my second burnout but the friends, neighbours and real colleagues are all on my side and with the hobbies and time out then I can get myself better.  The fact that I can still function with my knowledge and helping those that respect me proves the point that I need to get back to that.  I will and whatever happens it will be "winner, winner, chicken dinner".

  • Didn't ring true at all but seeing as I don't indulge in the self obsessed feelings of guilt, your description fits me. Don't worry, I'm out of here :) and you do know that like attracts like don't you so if you came across a psychopath a few years ago, what do you think that say about you? lol But it's ok, you don't scare me ;) There are not that many psychopaths in the world and most people will never meet one, I haven't, but then like I said, like attracts like, birds of a feather flock together ;)

  • I didn't say you are a psychopath but if it rang true with you then well enough said, and yes, I would like you to stay away from me as I will you. I came accross one a few years ago and take it from me I'm stearing well clear! so thanks yea that would be great if you stay away from me!

  • I need to learn to be stricter with myself. I set out with good intentions to do these things and then persuade myself they can wait till later. And then it ends up being a lot later.

  • Thank you. I appreciate your honesty in sharing what you think of me. I like people who are honest, like myself. I find it always helps when we know where we stand with the people in our groups/tribes\families etc and I accept that not all autistic people will support others but then if you think I'm a psychopath and not autistic, I can see why you wouldn't want to be kind or support me. Thank you for being honest with me. I will make sure I don't comment on any threads you're on because it sounds like you don't like psychopaths very much so I don't think any communication between us will be very successful. Pray

  • That's what I was like and then I discovered, if I make little rules, I get things done. For example, I have made a little rule that I can't cook or prepare food, before I have washed any pots that are already there. Trying to have schedules or sticking to lists etc never helped, the lists in  and  of themselves help in that I just seem to feel better when I do them but it's the little rules that are helping me. And it doesn't mean I have to stick to them, if I can't or don't want to for any reason, that's perfectly ok and  is a triumph in itself,  being able to have a rule and not follow it and not give myself a hard time for not following it. So I'm just taking things slowly and it's a matter of trial and error but so far, the little kitchen rule is working really well. I got over ambitious recently, creating a few too many rules, and wore myself out very quickly, which was another nice reminder to take things slowly.

  • You know what? The only people who don't suffer with guilt are psychopaths because they have no conscience, enough said! 

  • Guilt is one of the things I am going to try and unburden myself of, my diagnoses for ASD/ADD only came quite recently and it has sparked a desire in me to do a sort of audit on my life and try to differentiate,-based on my increasing understanding of the implications-, there are things in my life i am not proud of but very, very few of them were in anyway malicious or knowingly harmful, it's those I should identify, and work on. Hopefully in time I will be freer of the stuff which has weighed me down, unnecessarily for too long.

    I feel this way too.

    I do blame myself and feel bad and frustrated at my mistakes, I wish to turn time back and correct things, but I can't.

    I am not 'guilty' of anything worse that other 7 billions people do all the time.

    You can't accept guilt for who you are and for just being.

  • I probably need more rules to be honest. I'm not very good at getting the housework done or remembering to eat properly. I've tried to schedule these things in the past but I'm not very good at enforcing it myself. I do write lists.