Published on 12, July, 2020
Do you ever feel guilty because of your behaviour due to your autism? I'm not really thinking extreme behaviour, more the little things.
I'm asking this because the other day I saw my parents for the first time in a while. I spent the whole time I saw them waffling on about myself and things I wanted to talk about. Afterwards I realised that it hadn't occurred to me to ask them how they were or what they'd been doing. I felt a bit bad when I realised this. I don't want them to think I don't care. I feel quite selfish when this happens but its not because I don't care about them and their lives. It just never occurred to me to ask and I find conversations about other people hard to keep going.
Do other people have situations like this and then feel guilty?
Yep, I do. Like my spending long periods of the time on social media as a distraction from my anxiety.
SNAP - I focus on various other hobbies that help me come down and reduce stress/anxiety. The problem is that, in work, I must/can not perform my coping mechanisms because the company do not want/need that - so why does everyone want my help from my Computer software knowledge to do their job right?
It sounds like you need to get a new job before burn out hits you. If you can't take care of yourself at work it's time to leave, no job is worth burning out for.
Eccentric1 WoW you can function in a burnout that has just sent my mind into a total spin and I’m now wondering what a burnout actually is? I thought I was in a burnout, but I haven’t been able to function for over two years, so maybe mine isn’t a burnout, maybe mine’s a breakdown. It certainly feels like a breakdown but I was told it was a burn out anyway, it’s very impressive that you can function during anything like a burnout, but then again, you have a very impressive life.
Your job sounds amazing, and I doubt very much that I would want to give that up and certainly not because of one individual. It uses your knowledge, skills, experience, intelligence, abilities AND it’s both rewarding and you thoroughly enjoy the job and enjoy working with your colleagues and the whole network, you enjoy the camaraderie, banter and there’s a lot of respect #lifegoals
I think all of us on here are drooling right now over your job It’s like the perfect job, it really couldn’t get better than that so I agree with you 100%, don’t walk away from that.
It sounds like you’ve also got a great life with lots of friends and hobbies and you’ve been able to create the elusive balance, that we are all craving or working for, with time out as well.
You've got this It can’t have been easy to create such a wonderful and balanced life. It’s certainly a testament to what you’re made of so I feel sure you’ll get through this unsettling time and come out of it better than ever and hopefully your bosses will have more of an understanding of how they can make work life better for you so you can do even better for them.
You’ve inspired me and lifted my spirits to the point where I’m actually going to go out now and do my first (for a long time) morning walk, which I’ve been contemplating for the last 3 hours ~ thank you and I wish you all the best with what’s happening. It sounds like you’ve got a job worth fighting for and I trust you will get all the support you need to get this sorted and get you back where you belong.
Former Member - first chance I have had to reply but I'm in another time zone at present. Anyway, at work, doing everything I do best based on my knowledge, skills, experience, intelligence and abilities is great, rewarding and I thoroughly enjoy the colleagues/network and camaraderie/banter/respect.
Since the bullying damager has turned everything upside down without having an ounce of empathy, deaf as a post and not getting what I need to perform then perhaps you are right I should leave/get a new job.
Talk is easy, with the limited options (and possibly being blocked by the bully) currently available, until Equality Act 2010/Company policies followed then I will stay put. Why you may ask? For real financial reasons going forward and I have the vision to see the way ahead.
I am now on my second burnout but the friends, neighbours and real colleagues are all on my side and with the hobbies and time out then I can get myself better. The fact that I can still function with my knowledge and helping those that respect me proves the point that I need to get back to that. I will and whatever happens it will be "winner, winner, chicken dinner".
Who’s talking about making a fortune? If money is what makes you tick then you’re right, writing might not be your best first choice of occupation, but just because millions of people don’t make it as a writer, it doesn’t mean nobody can. But of course if you focus on all the people that don’t make it, then you’re likely to follow in their footsteps. Where the attention goes, energy flows.
And you’re confusing me now, didn’t you say you prefer the stability of a salaried wage?
And if you ‘know’ you can do it, that’s great, life is sweet, just like if you ‘know’ you can pick up a cup or walk or brush your hair, you can, with no effort and with ease, if you didn’t ‘know’ you could do these things or you just believed you could, it would take effort, but when we know something, we live it, without effort, so that’s great, it’s just a matter of timing before you make your fortune.
You talk about successful writers being in the minority like that’s a bad thing. Is it because you’re autistic and already in a minority that you feel a bit weary of stepping into another minority group?
You don’t need forgiving for saying I sound like a self help book, it’s a compliment. The mind is everything. Try doing something without the involvement of your mind and see how far you get. Tell yourself everyday that your a bad and terrible person and see how you feel after a week. Likewise, tell yourself you’re a great person and see how you feel after a week. Or look at kids who were told they were bad and kids who were given encouragement - it speaks for itself.
You first love is clearly having lots of money which is definitely not what self help books are about, so have you actually ever read one? And while I respect anybody’s goals, mine has never been to accumulate lots and lots of money, or a fortune as you call it, but there are definitely books out there than can help you to create fortunes but I doubt they’re in the self help section, or maybe they are, I’ve never actually read one of them? Accumulating lots of money has never been my thing.
My talent is being able to step aside and let love/god do the work. I’ve got a proven track record of being able to help people get to the root cause of their sufferings, fast, and to help them to recover from them. It’s not a skill that I’ve learned, I just seem to have been born with it so I definitely can’t and don’t take any credit for it. When I found out I was autistic, I thought that was the reason I was like this, but it seems that while there is definitely a higher percentage of autistic people who are more connected to their true self as opposed to their physical and egoic selves, not all autistic people are, which totally threw me for awhile and made me think I really was an alien, but then I read more about the god connection and autism and how the brain is different in people more connected to their true self which made me feel like a human again.
Just because your first love is to accumulate lots of money, it doesn’t mean everybody values money over other things so that might be why we are not all millionaires, that goal is far from some of our minds than the moon is to earth. We don’t all value money above all else but I have friends who are millionaires and one billionaire friend and I respect them just as much as I do anybody else. Just because accumulating money isn’t my thing it doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s a valid goal for somebody else.
To the people who put in all the years of hard work and slog and effort then loose it ~ I don’t think I have to say anything to them, they know what to do, instinctively, they get up and do it all again because it’s not the destination that counts, it’s the journey. Most millionaire entrepreneurs have been bankrupt several times, it’s often in our mistakes and our losses that we learn the most and it’s not about how many times we fall down and lose everything, it’s about how many times we get back up.
So you’re saying Henry Ford was born with some weird success gene? And unless your born with the same gene, you have to suffer a miserable and poor life?
I guess if you’re trying to be the rule, to fit in and be like most other people then of course you won’t be successful but people who are the exception are not some weird alien species, they are simply people who decided to do their own thing and to not be like other people regardless of the ridicule and taunting etc that they receive for being different.
Most people follow the crowd, they follow the masses, they follow the rules laid out by men who somehow became in charge of shaping society but some don’t, they’re called the exception. It’s not that they’re exceptional, because who is born exceptional? They just appear to be the exception because they follow their hearts and not the masses, they’re not afraid of looking stupid and being in the minority and being ridiculed by the masses for not being the same as them, and when they do succeed at meeting their goals, they are then called exceptional or freaks or something similar and if they make a ton of money at the same time, then they are often then looked up to by the masses and the masses think they’re some freak of nature exceptional beings that no one in the mass crowd could ever be. Like they were born different. They were born successful while everyone in the masses were born unsuccessful. It’s a nice theory, but I don’t buy it. What is it that Henry Ford was born with that you wasn’t? Don’t say he was born without autism because many successful people were and are autistic. And yes, we have far more cars than Mr Ford ever wanted. He only ever wanted one car and it broke his heart and his dream when he finally let his son take over to start making different models. That wasn’t his dream and it wasn’t his dream to get rich either so you and Henry are in different tracks to start with.
Lol! I’ve been homeless (lots and lots of times) and living on the streets three times, I did my first prison sentence at 17, was a drug addict/heroin addict for most of my adult life from age 13/14 to almost 40. What makes you think I’ve never lived on the streets? Several of my friends are still there although most of my friends are dead now. I lived on the streets with my son before he was taken from me and I got more love and support and got looked after very well on the streets, of course there’s a lot of violence etc but back in the day, I loved violence. I don’t think you could call any part of my life a pink fluffy cloud unless you call child sex abuse and sex abuse and physical, psychological and emotional abuse in adulthood, living on a pink fluffy cloud?
But there you go, you have given the reason why you're not doing what you love, because you prefer the security of a salaried job
No. The reason I'm not doing what I love (my first love, that is) is that I can't make a living from it. Very, very few writers do manage to make a living from their pens (or word-processors). It's a very tough game. I have an acquaintance who has had two novels published by mainstream publishers - but she still has to work part-time because the income is so low. She could probably make more from prostituting her talent and writing a bodice-ripper, or something with wizards, dragons and vampires, but that isn't what she wants to write. I could no more write something like that, either, than play a Chopin Polonaise.
Which isn't to say I give up. As Edison said, I haven't failed - I've just found 10,000 ways that didn't work. I keep trying, as I have for upwards of fifty years. I've had some minor successes, but not enough to consolidate a position. I don't think I can't do it. I know I can. But that still doesn't mean I can give up work tomorrow and suddenly turn a good living from writing.
Forgive me for saying so, BlueRay, but you do often sound like one of these self-help books that claims you can do anything you want and make a fortune... if you simply put your mind to it! I'm all for the power of positive thinking. But it doesn't always lead to money in the bank. And sometimes there's other stuff that has to be overcome first of all. Life can do damage to people, and that damage needs to be repaired.
Otherwise we'd all be millionaires.
Yes we do all have talents and interests that we can turn into capital, it's just that most people don't think that way so they take what they can get or they're not prepared to put in the years of hard work and living with little to no money and the uncertainties, set backs, disappointments and failures etc etc that are all part of building a business or whatever it is a person might like to achieve and they have to keep going UNTIL they achieve their goals.
So, what is your talent that you're turning into capital?
And what do you say to the people who do put in the years of hard work and keep striving - only to end up losing it all? The businesses that have been busted by online competitors? We can't all be Henry blinking Ford! Thank goodness, because the world already has far more than enough cars. Such people are the exception, not the rule.
I think we are going to have to agree to disagree. Obviously you have never been homeless?
You stay on your pink fluffy cloud and we'll leave it there...