Do you ever feel guilty because of your behaviour due to your autism? I'm not really thinking extreme behaviour, more the little things.
I'm asking this because the other day I saw my parents for the first time in a while. I spent the whole time I saw them waffling on about myself and things I wanted to talk about. Afterwards I realised that it hadn't occurred to me to ask them how they were or what they'd been doing. I felt a bit bad when I realised this. I don't want them to think I don't care. I feel quite selfish when this happens but its not because I don't care about them and their lives. It just never occurred to me to ask and I find conversations about other people hard to keep going.
Do other people have situations like this and then feel guilty?
Yep, I do. Like my spending long periods of the time on social media as a distraction from my anxiety.
SNAP - I focus on various other hobbies that help me come down and reduce stress/anxiety. The problem is that, in work, I must/can not perform my coping mechanisms because the company do not want/need that - so why does everyone want my help from my Computer software knowledge to do their job right?
It sounds like you need to get a new job before burn out hits you. If you can't take care of yourself at work it's time to leave, no job is worth burning out for.
With all due respect Blue Ray, I am in a similar situation as Eccentric 1 and its not always as easy to just leave and get another job, not when you have a mortgage and bills to pay add to that, if you enjoy your job and it suits you that makes it even more difficult especially being autistic.
I love my job but its a specialism that its not that easy to, 'just find another job', I am also a person that needs structure to my day as I believe so does Eccentric 1.
I agree. We don't all have talents or interests that we can turn into capital. I've tried hard enough with it, but not succeeded.
I'd love to be able to stop being a 'wage slave' and walk out of a job and set up on my own in a business or something that would give me a sufficient income even for my meagre needs. But I prefer the security of a salaried job - even if it means that I have to put up with the negatives that go with it. When I was self-employed and working from home, I had some really good months... and then some really bad ones. They never quite balanced one another out, and the uncertainty from one month to the next about whether I'd be able to cover all my outgoings was very stressful.
No, it's not always easy, I never said it was, but we don't always have to go for easy, easy isn't always the best option but leaving a job that is causing us stress is always an option, it's a choice, just like everything we do is a choice, just like where you live is also a choice so if having a mortgage is more important to you than enjoying your job then I guess you have to put up with not enjoying your job. I guess I'm lucky in that I would rather live in the sewers and eat food from the streets like a rat than do anything I didn't love and enjoy. Where I live etc is important to me but not more important than my health and well being, nothing comes before that. But I don't understand why you would want to leave your job if you love it so much.
That's fine If you want to live like that but for some of us life isn't that simple, I'm sorry I just found your previous comment really sweeping. you may be happy to fill your day doing lots of lovely things and be able to keep a roof over your head without a mortgage but some of us are not that fortunate and unlike you would not be happy to 'live in a sewer'.
Yes we do all have talents and interests that we can turn into capital, it's just that most people don't think that way so they take what they can get or they're not prepared to put in the years of hard work and living with little to no money and the uncertainties, set backs, disappointments and failures etc etc that are all part of building a business or whatever it is a person might like to achieve and they have to keep going UNTIL they achieve their goals. If a person thinks they can't do it, or if they think they can, either way they'll be right, as said by Mr Henry Ford. And you have to be prepared to keep going, UNTIL you get there which means you don't quit, not ever, regardless of how bad it gets.
But there you go, you have given the reason why you're not doing what you love, because you prefer the security of a salaried job, even if it means putting up with the negatives that go with it and that's ok, that's brilliant in fact, you know what you want and you were able to achieve it. That, is called a success. I would be thoroughly delighted with that because there is nothing I would want more than to work for somebody else, it would make my life so much easier. As an independent social worker, a job that I can do with my eyes closed, I bring home in excess of £1000 a week, after tax, and I can do it in the most beautiful locations around the world but I simply can't do it, the whole social aspect of it etc got me down in the end. I am always getting calls from my agency with really great job offers and really great rates of pay with not having to have interviews because my reputation proceeds me but I'm not prepared to do it anymore. I could do it for 6 months and solve all my financial problems but my health and well being means more to me than money and if I keep going, I know I'll make the same amount of money again, and more, but this way in a way that I control which serves me. For example, my first support worker noticed that I'm good for 3 weeks then I get tired and need a week's rest so that's how I'll build my working life and I'll also take at least a month off every 3 months to do courses or whatever I want to do, which would probably be workable as a social worker or mental health nurse, especially now with my diagnosis but I think I went too long without the right support and now I'm done as with it, as much as I love most aspects of the job and I was excellent at it.
My life is never simple but I keep it simple in my mind but it's rarely simple, but I value my health, well being and happiness above all else, which I suppose is what helps to keep my life simple. It makes for easy choices - does this make me happy and healthy, if not, I don't do it, simple.
You don't have to be sorry, trust me, most people find my comments and what I have to say either sweeping or insulting or disgraceful or whatever, don't be sorry, I'm not, I'm used to it by now, I'm autistic so I am often very blunt and very honest when I talk, it's simply part of who I am and I, like everybody else, am only responsible for what I say, not for how somebody interprets it or understands it or chooses to how to interpret it or whatever, I have no control over other people and I don't try to control them and especially not with my words, for example, keeping quite and not speaking my truth so I can be seen as a nice person or so I don't risk upsetting somebody or whatever, I simply speak my truth, which rarely matches anybody else's, unless they take the time to look into what I say and then they find that my truth is there's as well, only they don't want to live by it because it doesn't fit with societies expectations and the way people do things.
Yeah, as I said, it's always a personal choice and I don't know many people like me who put their happiness, health and well being first, so you're not alone, in fact, you're right up there with the masses, that is what most people do, they get mortgages etc and then then think they can't live without them and they can't think of anything worse than being homeless, but to me it's all the same. Of course in many ways I am much more comfortable living in a house with a roof over my head but if I'm living on the streets, so be it. I've never had a mortgage in my life and never would get one, if I am going to own a property I would pay for it out right or not at all, I'm far to immature and impulsive (ADHD) to be tied to a mortgage, good god, I can't think of anything worse but of course, if that is important to people then they're doing the same as me, putting what is most important to them first, my most important things just happens to be my health, well being, happiness, friends and family and to be always able to help others and serve who ever is in front of me at any given time and I can't do that when I'm unwell mentally, emotionally or physically.
So yeah, I applaud you, you've got your priorities in order according to you, having a mortgage is more important than your happiness and doing what you love to do so honestly, you're no different to me, I just have different priorities that's all. To me, people are more important than things and bricks and mortar and I've met some of my very best friends while living on the streets and learned what real friendships and being kind is all about, from the people who also live or lived on the streets or even people who weren't living on the streets who helped me out now and again.
So I know I'm the odd one out here, most people in the western world make getting a home and car and job and being seen as nice a priority and that's perfectly ok, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, I just happen to value my health and happiness more and people rather than things.
I think we are going to have to agree to disagree. Obviously you have never been homeless?
You stay on your pink fluffy cloud and we'll leave it there...
BlueRay said:But there you go, you have given the reason why you're not doing what you love, because you prefer the security of a salaried job
No. The reason I'm not doing what I love (my first love, that is) is that I can't make a living from it. Very, very few writers do manage to make a living from their pens (or word-processors). It's a very tough game. I have an acquaintance who has had two novels published by mainstream publishers - but she still has to work part-time because the income is so low. She could probably make more from prostituting her talent and writing a bodice-ripper, or something with wizards, dragons and vampires, but that isn't what she wants to write. I could no more write something like that, either, than play a Chopin Polonaise.
Which isn't to say I give up. As Edison said, I haven't failed - I've just found 10,000 ways that didn't work. I keep trying, as I have for upwards of fifty years. I've had some minor successes, but not enough to consolidate a position. I don't think I can't do it. I know I can. But that still doesn't mean I can give up work tomorrow and suddenly turn a good living from writing.
Forgive me for saying so, BlueRay, but you do often sound like one of these self-help books that claims you can do anything you want and make a fortune... if you simply put your mind to it! I'm all for the power of positive thinking. But it doesn't always lead to money in the bank. And sometimes there's other stuff that has to be overcome first of all. Life can do damage to people, and that damage needs to be repaired.
Otherwise we'd all be millionaires.
BlueRay said:Yes we do all have talents and interests that we can turn into capital, it's just that most people don't think that way so they take what they can get or they're not prepared to put in the years of hard work and living with little to no money and the uncertainties, set backs, disappointments and failures etc etc that are all part of building a business or whatever it is a person might like to achieve and they have to keep going UNTIL they achieve their goals.
So, what is your talent that you're turning into capital?
And what do you say to the people who do put in the years of hard work and keep striving - only to end up losing it all? The businesses that have been busted by online competitors? We can't all be Henry blinking Ford! Thank goodness, because the world already has far more than enough cars. Such people are the exception, not the rule.
Lol! I’ve been homeless (lots and lots of times) and living on the streets three times, I did my first prison sentence at 17, was a drug addict/heroin addict for most of my adult life from age 13/14 to almost 40. What makes you think I’ve never lived on the streets? Several of my friends are still there although most of my friends are dead now. I lived on the streets with my son before he was taken from me and I got more love and support and got looked after very well on the streets, of course there’s a lot of violence etc but back in the day, I loved violence. I don’t think you could call any part of my life a pink fluffy cloud unless you call child sex abuse and sex abuse and physical, psychological and emotional abuse in adulthood, living on a pink fluffy cloud?
Who’s talking about making a fortune? If money is what makes you tick then you’re right, writing might not be your best first choice of occupation, but just because millions of people don’t make it as a writer, it doesn’t mean nobody can. But of course if you focus on all the people that don’t make it, then you’re likely to follow in their footsteps. Where the attention goes, energy flows.
And you’re confusing me now, didn’t you say you prefer the stability of a salaried wage?
And if you ‘know’ you can do it, that’s great, life is sweet, just like if you ‘know’ you can pick up a cup or walk or brush your hair, you can, with no effort and with ease, if you didn’t ‘know’ you could do these things or you just believed you could, it would take effort, but when we know something, we live it, without effort, so that’s great, it’s just a matter of timing before you make your fortune.
You talk about successful writers being in the minority like that’s a bad thing. Is it because you’re autistic and already in a minority that you feel a bit weary of stepping into another minority group?
You don’t need forgiving for saying I sound like a self help book, it’s a compliment. The mind is everything. Try doing something without the involvement of your mind and see how far you get. Tell yourself everyday that your a bad and terrible person and see how you feel after a week. Likewise, tell yourself you’re a great person and see how you feel after a week. Or look at kids who were told they were bad and kids who were given encouragement - it speaks for itself.
You first love is clearly having lots of money which is definitely not what self help books are about, so have you actually ever read one? And while I respect anybody’s goals, mine has never been to accumulate lots and lots of money, or a fortune as you call it, but there are definitely books out there than can help you to create fortunes but I doubt they’re in the self help section, or maybe they are, I’ve never actually read one of them? Accumulating lots of money has never been my thing.
My talent is being able to step aside and let love/god do the work. I’ve got a proven track record of being able to help people get to the root cause of their sufferings, fast, and to help them to recover from them. It’s not a skill that I’ve learned, I just seem to have been born with it so I definitely can’t and don’t take any credit for it. When I found out I was autistic, I thought that was the reason I was like this, but it seems that while there is definitely a higher percentage of autistic people who are more connected to their true self as opposed to their physical and egoic selves, not all autistic people are, which totally threw me for awhile and made me think I really was an alien, but then I read more about the god connection and autism and how the brain is different in people more connected to their true self which made me feel like a human again.
Just because your first love is to accumulate lots of money, it doesn’t mean everybody values money over other things so that might be why we are not all millionaires, that goal is far from some of our minds than the moon is to earth. We don’t all value money above all else but I have friends who are millionaires and one billionaire friend and I respect them just as much as I do anybody else. Just because accumulating money isn’t my thing it doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s a valid goal for somebody else.
To the people who put in all the years of hard work and slog and effort then loose it ~ I don’t think I have to say anything to them, they know what to do, instinctively, they get up and do it all again because it’s not the destination that counts, it’s the journey. Most millionaire entrepreneurs have been bankrupt several times, it’s often in our mistakes and our losses that we learn the most and it’s not about how many times we fall down and lose everything, it’s about how many times we get back up.
So you’re saying Henry Ford was born with some weird success gene? And unless your born with the same gene, you have to suffer a miserable and poor life?
I guess if you’re trying to be the rule, to fit in and be like most other people then of course you won’t be successful but people who are the exception are not some weird alien species, they are simply people who decided to do their own thing and to not be like other people regardless of the ridicule and taunting etc that they receive for being different.
Most people follow the crowd, they follow the masses, they follow the rules laid out by men who somehow became in charge of shaping society but some don’t, they’re called the exception. It’s not that they’re exceptional, because who is born exceptional? They just appear to be the exception because they follow their hearts and not the masses, they’re not afraid of looking stupid and being in the minority and being ridiculed by the masses for not being the same as them, and when they do succeed at meeting their goals, they are then called exceptional or freaks or something similar and if they make a ton of money at the same time, then they are often then looked up to by the masses and the masses think they’re some freak of nature exceptional beings that no one in the mass crowd could ever be. Like they were born different. They were born successful while everyone in the masses were born unsuccessful. It’s a nice theory, but I don’t buy it. What is it that Henry Ford was born with that you wasn’t? Don’t say he was born without autism because many successful people were and are autistic. And yes, we have far more cars than Mr Ford ever wanted. He only ever wanted one car and it broke his heart and his dream when he finally let his son take over to start making different models. That wasn’t his dream and it wasn’t his dream to get rich either so you and Henry are in different tracks to start with.