Published on 12, July, 2020
Do you ever feel guilty because of your behaviour due to your autism? I'm not really thinking extreme behaviour, more the little things.
I'm asking this because the other day I saw my parents for the first time in a while. I spent the whole time I saw them waffling on about myself and things I wanted to talk about. Afterwards I realised that it hadn't occurred to me to ask them how they were or what they'd been doing. I felt a bit bad when I realised this. I don't want them to think I don't care. I feel quite selfish when this happens but its not because I don't care about them and their lives. It just never occurred to me to ask and I find conversations about other people hard to keep going.
Do other people have situations like this and then feel guilty?
I've been thinking about this a lot and I don't think I ever feel guilty. I feel regret, certainly, over things I haven't done in the past, but guilt is a bit different. Guilt implies that I know I've done something wrong. Again, I feel regret over how I have treated people, but not guilt. This is a recent revelation for me though as up until a few weeks ago I thought I had a lot of empathy towards people, but reflecting on past experiences I know that I don't. I only have regret over the things that influence me, not other people. I am beginning to realise just how little I actually "feel" in terms of emotions and how much is learnt behaviours. It's quite shocking really because I had always assumed I did care about other people, but pulling apart previous experiences, I feel very little towards other people. Even family or those who I should care about. I guess this is still a journey of discovery for me.
Same!