I’ve posted before. Feeling worse every day for years, but really feel at the end now as not bothering getTing out of bed , isolating myself, can only see comfort in ending it all. Feel a burden to my lovely family, arrested by police for trying to get rid of suicidal thinking, my story only told in a dreadful way all over papers and internet and tv. Humiliation shame . This is the cause of many suicides. Seeing professionals but they have made things worse.
probably my last post here.
seems like lots of teenagers, but I am older and a doctor
i hope this is not the end but run out of hope now
Dont do it! Where are you? Fancy a meet up ? I’m in Oxfordshire
Very kind Wavey. But I feel no point. All others seem good and friends keen to offer support, but Ijust feel a burden now to all.
I try and fill my day with things, but know it is only a front.
The police and media have been the real nasty people in this. Aspies are not well understood by the law and media . They have ruined my life and my family. I was a good doctor for many decades and a computer nerd, but caught in a deep web trap, prosecuted by police. I don't mind you can look me up [name removed by Moderator]. Convicted for "implied suicide communication", which denied my desperation, now much worse. Cant seem to move on.
Complained to police, but there is no effective body to do this. Now trying t publicise my dreadful situation in the hope it may help.Phoned Samaritan, even became one myself. Read 40 or 50 books on suicide.
Anyone got any media links?
This is a story of Aspie being driven to desperation by the media and police. There was never any harm intended or even happened. It was all a deep web trap. I certainly never "ordered a hitman" and deleted all options on the website, which was also crowdfunding a hit on Donald Trump I thought a ludicrous scam website, but never realised the danger of possible trap.
I have an unbelieveable story but no media seem prepared to publish my side of things, only the prosecution ridiculous allegations ( which they had no evidence of).
I will wait a day or so to see what others have to say. And hope someone knows of a sympathetic journalist who will show how badly Aspies can be treated and pushed to suicide
I am around your age and was sectioned last year after a suicide attempt. Whilst in the mental health hospital I was diagnosed as autistic.
I recognise the signs of inactivity and the feelings of futility. Now I’m glad I was thwarted in my attempt. At the time I was annoyed. I look at it in light of the fact that the only way is up when you are that far down.
The media have had their feeding frenzy, they don’t hang around. I know it is a simple saying, but the chorus on Tom Petty’s, Two Gunslingers, ‘I’m taking control of my life, right now’. strangely helped me recover agency and find a way to remain among the living.
Don’t take that decision, you won’t even be granted the melancholy of regret. And you will cause so much pain. PM me if you like. Take care, Graham.
I have been there with the police - bullied as a child by them, and now as a n adult too. I know Exactky what you mean. I would LOVE to hear your story. I am certain that it will be amazing. I have similar stories too but just try and keep them in the past.
Thanks Graham. It has now been 7 years since I was done by a financial advisor. Lost me £300,000, Trying lots since then but just seem to get worse. I hope I have prepared my family. Yes they will be upset but I know they realise how much I am suffering.
I am sure the media will not tell the true story. They have been cruel, over what is clearly a scam website, but avoided ever mentioning that word - scam/ fake. I think the owner of the website was in league with the police and selling them info so he could keep on scamming others.
The only way is up??? or death
At the moment you have options. You could phone 111 and get yourself sectioned. I found it humbling, not the service providers but the fellow patients.
You need to make a break with the past. As a doctor you probably know the following about meditation, I have found it has helped me move on. I’ve copied this from a recent post I made:
When I was researching the efficacy or otherwise of meditation, common factors in the autism research and the brains of experienced meditators, when using the search facility of pdf documents, are the amygdala, the DMN (Default Mode Network) and the TPN (Task Positive Network). The amygdala is often described as the flight or fight brain area. The DMN and the TPN cannot be simultaneously active, it is either one or the other. As the DMN is active whilst thinking of the past, the future and during rumination. This network is active more often in those suffering from depression. The TPN is active when the brain is concentrating on the here and now. Experienced meditators have reduced amygdala activity and are able to switch from the DMN to the TPN with an ease not available to non meditators. This is the science behind the current fashion for mindfulness.
Using the plasticity of the brain to place yourself away from events of the past takes longer, but it works.
I am sure your family would be haunted, not pleased or even necessarily completely understanding. After all not all who are in your position just give up. I read your case, I’m sure it feels bad to you, but from the outside it’s really appears rather innocuous compared to the vast majority of press hatchet jobs.
A few years ago I was charged with a crime that landed me in court and it was reported in several national newspapers, near the front of the papers, in sensationalist style. In the town where I lived at the time almost everyone started bullying me in a passive aggressive way. Giving terrible service in shops, glaring at me on the street. A few people even shouted things at me out of cars, I had a death threat from a very angry man one day in a park. Even the doctors at the surgery I went to verbally abused me.
It did drive me close to the edge. I don't want to make this topic about me - I just wanted to share this to say I have some inkling into what being put under pressure by the media can be like.
Let me say I 100% believe you are a decent man and that this case you were involved in was a misunderstanding. And I know I won't be the only one by far. A lot of police officers and media people are bullies, it's the nature of the job. Those jobs attract people who want power. Don't let them make you believe all people are bad though. There are times I feel depressed about what's happened to me, and I'm sorry you feel that way too.
DaveAsperg what do you enjoy that calms you or gives you a happy feeling?
I know in my low moments i sleep/snooze/doze (reclusive) under the duvet and do the things I enjoy as little steps back (from TV, films, music and books). It helps me remember that there is still so much to see/do.
Like Graham, we are all similar and can help each other through and I know with me I am in the different zones.
How can Graham, others and I help you with?
How can Graham, others and I talk with you through this?
Who, close to you could help and would be there for you?
That sounds familiar. I just had 15 months of that - staying home, feeling like a burden, making tentative plans for suicide.
Its hard to see the causes while you are in it; but I'm pretty well out of it at the moment and so I know my depression was a combination of
All of these are stress factors and all are damaging to my self image in one way or another. I am hoping I can help you lay out your issues and make them into small pieces that we can tackle one by one. The first step is to figure out what your pieces are.
Do you know what is causing your depression or do you have some ideas about what might be causing it? When did it start and what kind of event started it?
If you didn't want to live, you would not have reached out for help by posting here. You see that logic, right? Trust me, you *DO* want to live and get past your depression. That is what made you write this post. Your desire to LIVE is already a strong tool to help you get out of the depression so please take hope.
[Name removed by Moderator] fined over suicide threats. Is that what caused your depression?
[edited: I did not know I was not supposed to use your name. Google found you instantly.]
I'm in the USA and not the UK - we have a federal disability act that allows us to require special treatment for things related to a disability, and to defend ourselves based on disability. As autistic-brained people communication is both different and more difficult for us. We tend to think literally and unemotionally. NTs are often over-excited by what we write, because the words that we write, if they had been written by an NT, would include a lot of volatile emotional subtext. E.g. If I as an abused NT spouse "Why didn't you leave?", they see several additional words in addition to the 4 I put down. My question is functional, abstract and non-judgemental. But here is the subtest that an NT sees: "Why didn't you just leave? How hard could it be? You must be really weak. And stupid."
So you know, the NT think I just sideswiped her and called her names and she gets super excited and starts attacking and how dare I speak to her like that I have no idea what she goes through and I'm a self-centered obnixious *** and don't I dare ever, ever even talk to her again oh and by the way she never liked me. And, before I knew how different NT brains are, I would be rocked back on my heels blinking fast saying what? what did I say? why is my question offensive? I'm so sorry I didn't mean to offend you, please don't feel bad. And she'd say back "you insulted me! don't talk to me you ***, you have no human compassion do you? you just wait, I hope your next boyfriend beats you to a bloody pulp <and more yelling and maybe some crying about how no one loves her and then some walking away> And this made absolutely zero sense to me, until some kind NTs started explaining how my words, like "why didn't you leave" were making people feel. And when I first saw the subtext, I was flabberglasted and horrified that I had caused people to hear such awful subtext words from me. Word I didn't mean and had never thought, and for most of my life had no idea were even there.
These suicide threats. Were they overt or do you think that NT people may have read a lot of subtext in them?