I’ve posted before. Feeling worse every day for years, but really feel at the end now as not bothering getTing out of bed , isolating myself, can only see comfort in ending it all. Feel a burden to my lovely family, arrested by police for trying to get rid of suicidal thinking, my story only told in a dreadful way all over papers and internet and tv. Humiliation shame . This is the cause of many suicides. Seeing professionals but they have made things worse.
probably my last post here.
seems like lots of teenagers, but I am older and a doctor
i hope this is not the end but run out of hope now
Dont do it! Where are you? Fancy a meet up ? I’m in Oxfordshire
Very kind Wavey. But I feel no point. All others seem good and friends keen to offer support, but Ijust feel a burden now to all.
I try and fill my day with things, but know it is only a front.
The police and media have been the real nasty people in this. Aspies are not well understood by the law and media . They have ruined my life and my family. I was a good doctor for many decades and a computer nerd, but caught in a deep web trap, prosecuted by police. I don't mind you can look me up [name removed by Moderator]. Convicted for "implied suicide communication", which denied my desperation, now much worse. Cant seem to move on.
Complained to police, but there is no effective body to do this. Now trying t publicise my dreadful situation in the hope it may help.Phoned Samaritan, even became one myself. Read 40 or 50 books on suicide.
Anyone got any media links?
This is a story of Aspie being driven to desperation by the media and police. There was never any harm intended or even happened. It was all a deep web trap. I certainly never "ordered a hitman" and deleted all options on the website, which was also crowdfunding a hit on Donald Trump I thought a ludicrous scam website, but never realised the danger of possible trap.
I have an unbelieveable story but no media seem prepared to publish my side of things, only the prosecution ridiculous allegations ( which they had no evidence of).
I will wait a day or so to see what others have to say. And hope someone knows of a sympathetic journalist who will show how badly Aspies can be treated and pushed to suicide
I have been there with the police - bullied as a child by them, and now as a n adult too. I know Exactky what you mean. I would LOVE to hear your story. I am certain that it will be amazing. I have similar stories too but just try and keep them in the past.
A few years ago I was charged with a crime that landed me in court and it was reported in several national newspapers, near the front of the papers, in sensationalist style. In the town where I lived at the time almost everyone started bullying me in a passive aggressive way. Giving terrible service in shops, glaring at me on the street. A few people even shouted things at me out of cars, I had a death threat from a very angry man one day in a park. Even the doctors at the surgery I went to verbally abused me.
It did drive me close to the edge. I don't want to make this topic about me - I just wanted to share this to say I have some inkling into what being put under pressure by the media can be like.
Let me say I 100% believe you are a decent man and that this case you were involved in was a misunderstanding. And I know I won't be the only one by far. A lot of police officers and media people are bullies, it's the nature of the job. Those jobs attract people who want power. Don't let them make you believe all people are bad though. There are times I feel depressed about what's happened to me, and I'm sorry you feel that way too.
That sounds familiar. I just had 15 months of that - staying home, feeling like a burden, making tentative plans for suicide.
Its hard to see the causes while you are in it; but I'm pretty well out of it at the moment and so I know my depression was a combination of
All of these are stress factors and all are damaging to my self image in one way or another. I am hoping I can help you lay out your issues and make them into small pieces that we can tackle one by one. The first step is to figure out what your pieces are.
Do you know what is causing your depression or do you have some ideas about what might be causing it? When did it start and what kind of event started it?
If you didn't want to live, you would not have reached out for help by posting here. You see that logic, right? Trust me, you *DO* want to live and get past your depression. That is what made you write this post. Your desire to LIVE is already a strong tool to help you get out of the depression so please take hope.
[Name removed by Moderator] fined over suicide threats. Is that what caused your depression?
[edited: I did not know I was not supposed to use your name. Google found you instantly.]
I'm in the USA and not the UK - we have a federal disability act that allows us to require special treatment for things related to a disability, and to defend ourselves based on disability. As autistic-brained people communication is both different and more difficult for us. We tend to think literally and unemotionally. NTs are often over-excited by what we write, because the words that we write, if they had been written by an NT, would include a lot of volatile emotional subtext. E.g. If I as an abused NT spouse "Why didn't you leave?", they see several additional words in addition to the 4 I put down. My question is functional, abstract and non-judgemental. But here is the subtest that an NT sees: "Why didn't you just leave? How hard could it be? You must be really weak. And stupid."
So you know, the NT think I just sideswiped her and called her names and she gets super excited and starts attacking and how dare I speak to her like that I have no idea what she goes through and I'm a self-centered obnixious *** and don't I dare ever, ever even talk to her again oh and by the way she never liked me. And, before I knew how different NT brains are, I would be rocked back on my heels blinking fast saying what? what did I say? why is my question offensive? I'm so sorry I didn't mean to offend you, please don't feel bad. And she'd say back "you insulted me! don't talk to me you ***, you have no human compassion do you? you just wait, I hope your next boyfriend beats you to a bloody pulp <and more yelling and maybe some crying about how no one loves her and then some walking away> And this made absolutely zero sense to me, until some kind NTs started explaining how my words, like "why didn't you leave" were making people feel. And when I first saw the subtext, I was flabberglasted and horrified that I had caused people to hear such awful subtext words from me. Word I didn't mean and had never thought, and for most of my life had no idea were even there.
These suicide threats. Were they overt or do you think that NT people may have read a lot of subtext in them?
I hadn't finished my thought. I want to edit that reply... but I can't seem to find an 'edit' button. Must be somewhere?
To conclude : you should find an autism-savvy defender to prove that your words did not mean what some NT people may have thought they meant; because as an autistic you have a... sure let's call it disability... a disability that prevents you from knowing what the subjext is in your words. Your words are literal and the only fair way to interpret those words is literal. To interpret them based on a subtext that the autistic person is completely unaware of is descrimination. Would you charge a one-legged man with taking too long to cross the street, when he was already walking as fast as he could with one leg? Probably not. Then you should also not condemn an autistic person for the subtext in their words, because the autistic person is blind to the subtext and what you see is there only by accident. You see it - but the autistic person did not write it.
That would be my approach
Wow this is awesome!
You really know your beans :)
My point exactly. I know I had no intention and teh site was a scam and I certainly removed all ticks from the screen, didn't pay any moneyor even attempt to and yet I have been publicly humiliated for doing a Dr JAmes Pennebaker technique for throwing away bad thoughts on the internet. Some 1500 entries on the site, but they just chose to prosecute 3 of us.
The police are supposed to have relable evidence to charge, but they knew it was a scam site as I knew, and still made the charge. I can't move on and the police complaints system is ineffective as they just say "we reject your complaint" No explanation. They know I have been nearly killed, but are trying to bury the case (and me).
It seems like the case today of someone being imprisoned for calling her husband a horse on Facebook. The police can be really cruel.
I could go to appeal but that takes 2 years and will cost me £100,000 again and I know the police and CPS will be dishonest and withhold information. It is terrible for my family. Business having to be sold. Mega tax payments and death
Hi, So glad you are reaching out. I am in a similar profession, nursing, a few weeks ago I was in the same head space you are. I'd written a suicide note to my OH and hidden it in a book, obviously didn't go through with it but I just want you to know that feeling you have right now, It will pass. I've had my Sertriline increase, (now on a high enough dose to comatose a horse) but its worked and between that and friendship of people on here I'm in a totally different head space, If you want to PM me or anything feel free.