Published on 12, July, 2020
I sometimes find other people's perceptions of a situation absolutely baffling. And a recent situation is really bugging me because I really don't see how the other people's point of view made sense yet I was on my own with my point of view so evidently once again its me with the issue.
I'm quite protective of my possessions. They are very important to me. I guess this is an ASC thing. Because of this, I HATE lending people things. However, I found myself in a situation where a friend wanted to read a book I'd just read and asked if they could borrow it. I said they could even though I didn't really want to because I didn't want to appear like I was being awkward. She read the book and then said another friend who I also know had wanted to read it so she would pass it on to her. I was a bit uneasy about this but nothing I could do.
I let time go by for a bit and heard nothing about the book so asked the second friend if they'd read it yet. She said the first friend never gave it to her. I asked the first friend the next time I saw her. There was a group of us. She was very offhand and didn't seem to know whether she still had it or not. As the conversation went on, she quite bluntly said "Well did you want it back?" I said "Of course I did because it was mine." She seemed baffled by this. Someone else said "Well you're never going to read it again." And then another person said "If I leant someone a book, I'd just expect them to keep it."
My mind at this point was just repeatedly going "It's mine! It's mine! It's mine!" I couldn't even slightly understand their point of view at all. They didn't see why I had an issue with the situation. Am I the only one baffled by this situation? And does anyone else find themselves in these situations where there point of view is different but the other people's point of views make absolutely no sense?
No you're right to have this viewpoint, I completely understand. I've come to the conclusion that anything you lend to people, be that items or money, you have to accept you won't get back. If you do, treat it as a bonus. Which is sad, I admit, because if I ever borrow anything I return it as soon as possible. I've borrowed books in the past and returned them before finishing reading them because I felt so uneasy at keeping someone else's belongings for a long time. I dont borrow money very often but when I have I return with "interest" e.g. a meal out, or box of chocolates or something. My Gran once told me you are not truly giving something away unless what you're giving means something to you. So when I do lend things, I treat it more as giving something away. Perhaps a strange mindset. But if you hold on to the notion the item is still yours then it's difficult not to be resentful if it isn't returned. I have no idea if I'm helping :p just giving my thoughts
I get what you're saying. Thanks. I think I just need to not lend people stuff to be honest. Because I don't think I can get past the idea that it is mine!