The assessment draws near(Wednesday) . Anxiety levels are rising. Going through major doubts as to whether I'll meet the criteria. I certainly don't think I'm neurotypical , but am more doubtful about being on the spectrum.
Am second guessing why the pdoc put me forward for an assessment. Would it be par for the course for any patient where the subject of ASD is raised, or would the pdoc have to have some level of belief you are on the spectrum to put you forward for an assessment?
My sister has just emailed her observations- 1) From age of 4 I became more quiet and withdrawn. She was told this by our parents. 2) I didn't seem able to engage in imaginary play and found it difficult to truly play as she and my brother did 3) I was much happier doing my own thing 4) I was physically awkward and quite clumsy 5) I
could be quite obsessive over certain things- like collecting baseball/ football cards even though I had no interest in playing the sport. 6) I had a difficult time reading the emotions ,feelings or reactions outside of those in the family. 7) I had no close friends in childhood and teenage years 8)I preferred to spend much of my time alone 9)As I grew to my teenage years I became more socially awkward and reclusive 10)When younger was quite obsessed with facts and figures 11)I was very insistent on always being right 12)When in a bad phase I had difficulty thinking of others and struggled with empathy 13) I was prone to serious rages 14)When I met my wife in hospital I stabilised more and more . 15)My wife ran the household something I've struggled to do without strong outside support 16)I was much calmer by this time but could not function without my wife organising my life 17) I suffer from extreme social anxiety 18)I have compassion and kindness but struggle with empathy at times. 19) I find it very difficult to multi task 20)
I remain academically smart but increasingly less socially able 21) I'm very intelligent.
Much of what she said is I believe accurate but the bit about serious rages is somewhat revisionist. She says I got quite physical with my brother. If so it's not something my brother has ever brought up in conversation and we have a good if physically distant relationship ie regularly email each other. I could get quite verbally heated but the only physical incidence I can recall is when my mother accused me of probably getting a girl I saw pregnant and that we'd have funny babies. This was 6 or so years before I even had sex. Some very heated words were exchanged and I remember my sister hitting me. I remember I pressed for an apology from my mother which never came. I was certainly very angry at the remarks she'd made.My brother has also said she is quite revisionist about things. It is quite true that I tend to raise my voice when angry and being quite tall and well built can come over as more intimidating than I really am .